From sickness to wellness

Hi, my name is Sara. I will try to give you as much info as possible for you to make your decision. I'm doing something bold by trying to raise funds for myself. I have battled with this idea for a while but I have come to my wits end so I decided 'why not? At the end of the day, only those who can and want to, will help me and those who don't, won't, and don't have to and that's perfectly okay.'

I used to be employed, I used to be active, I used to be a person who could take care of myself, my home, my needs and also do things for my family, friends and even for strangers. I could cook and clean at home and go over to my parents house to cook them dinner randomly just because I felt like doing something for them. I had a good job, I was a social butterfly, I had an active, busy life. I did courses to become a better me. I helped people. I created and ran a social initiative called "Hug It Out" which you can see on Facebook via https://www.facebook.com/HugItOut and with my team I made so many people happy giving free hugs! :) I loved it so much! :) I have lost all my livelihood as my sickness weakened me more and more. Hug It Out is on hold until I get better. Employment isn't an option in my condition. I tried to keep working for as long as I could. I used up all my savings trying to make ends meet while trying out treatments. I can barely do the simplest of things for myself incl housework, socializing, attending appointments etc. Things like brushing my teeth much less having a shower is hard enough. I only do what I can when I can; when the symptoms and pain are at a minimum and manageable enough with the cocktail of pain killers I take on a daily basis - when and if they do the job. I get out of the house once or twice a week. Once in a blue moon its three times, sometimes, none at all. I rest and nap in my car sometimes if I cannot drive at the time. I've slept in my car many times around Auckland. I live in a tiny sleepout with poor insulation, a cramped kitchenette with no range-hood, no extractor fan in the bathroom, and its very cold in Winter. I have no choice but to live here, this was the only affordable option I had. My car is parked several metres away from my door on the road, and I carry groceries and laundry in small bags (that are not too heavy for me) back and forth over several trips, sometimes with a limp, whenever I go shopping or to the laundromat.

I have always done my best to take care of myself with whatever I have. That has always been my only choice, so I just keep going one day at a time.

I have a long term debilitating illness called Fibromyalgia which does not have a cure and cannot be fixed with surgery. My Fibro symptoms incl widespread pain through the body (muscles / connective tissue / joints), fatigue, dizziness, muscle spasms, brain fog, balance, digestive problems, IBS, sleep problems, nausea, stiffness, limping, sensitivity; basically a whole bunch of things that result in not being able to live a normal life. The slipped disc in my lower lumbar was the catalyst for the physical decline in my health. The mental decline had been going on for years; I was depressed and suicidal for a big part of my life from a number of things incl family issues, abusive relationships, etc. I came out of depression a while ago - although living with Fibro for all these years has tried pulling me back a few times. I have something else too - which I believe is a part of the onset of Fibro. (If you look into Fibromyalgia you will find that many patients have some psychological link too). I have Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD) from the trauma of being raped many years ago. I know speaking my truth is necessary, and powerful and liberating... but I don't often speak of this as I still have PTSD. I still sometimes freeze up / shake / crumble into a crying sack when it is triggered.

Now I know, I am not the only one who has problems be it family, finances or health. I decided to do this to open myself up to the kind hearts of people who are able to contribute and help me change my life. I have been trying for years with whatever I have to get better and make life better for myself but it's really time I got real - please, I need help! This has always been my downfall; struggling to ask for help due to a lifetime of being so independent. I haven't had enough practice in this arena but I'm honestly saying now, I do really need your help. I have bills and repayments I was paying and managing well with employment and savings for some time. I went through a very stressful process of applying to have my Kiwisaver funds released to me to keep my repayments going as I have no other government assistance or other assistance that even care to help me keep those payments going. Those Kiwisaver funds are not enough to keep them going though, it will run out soon. Then the debt collectors will be back hounding me once again to bang my head against the wall to pay them. They have made it clear my sickness and circumstance is not their problem. They really don't care. They just want me to pay, they would be happy if I took my entire sickness benefit to just make those payments even if that meant I don't pay my rent, bills or general living expenses. This is the harsh reality of the world we live in. So here I am.. asking for your help.

The total of the repayments is $9764.06. I hope to receive at least this much to keep that stress away from me. Stress exacerbates my symptoms. I cannot imagine going through worse than I already do just because of this. I have been making snail-pace progress in my strengths and abilities year after year by the use of my own well-being plan I created for myself. I haven't made leaps and bounds forward but I can see that I am making baby steps forward each year. For someone who receives the message that you have a lifelong illness which they don't believe has any cure, I'm doing pretty good with my resilient and relentless attitude. I don't want all my efforts to be wasted by the potential stress that these debt collectors would bring to my life. If I am fortunate to receive this amount from the kind people who want to help me, that will give me great peace of mind and I will be truly thankful. If by chance I happen to receive any more than this I will spend the rest on doing whatever I can for my health to get better and delve into treatment options I have not been able to try because of not having the financial support. I decided I will not live the rest of my life like this and that was when I created my well-being plan. I have worked extensively on that and my personal development too. I have learnt to be thankful and appreciate all I have, despite everything, and when you see me, if my pain and symptoms are low, you won't even know I'm sick because I'm positive and friendly, smiling and eager to interact with other positive people. Some people who don't really know me but see my regularly, at places I visit, those of whom that have come to my aid when I was crying in pain in these public places, were so surprised to discover I am so sick. One of my friends explained to a person who was saying "I wouldn't have even known if I didn't see her like this," that it's because I don't go round crying my pity party to everyone, but that I try to just be positive and do my best. I have a full treasure chest of dreams to make true including first and foremost, earning a living and getting off the benefit! I want to create and run my charity organization, travel and see family and friends I have not seen in years, play with my nieces and nephews, recreate and run Hug It Out, dance again and so much more! A friend of mine recently said to me, while offering compassion for the pain I was suffering, that it's so sad because she thinks the world really needs someone like me. I teared up at her kind words because I feel this so whole-heartedly, that I have so much to offer, but I feel trapped inside a sick body unable to do all I'm meant to be doing and that's another pain I suffer quietly. There is so much life to live that I simply cannot experience. I've been sick for years (and had some Fibro symptoms long before diagnosis too), I'm so eager to use my skills and talents to do more with what I have, but I'm just stuck here because of the situation I'm in with my health and finances.

I hope I have given as much info as you need about me, my situation and my request. From the soul of the Queen Huggable who lived for happiness, I thank you in advance, even for just reading and considering all this even if you choose not to donate. Whether you choose to donate or not, I will say this: please, please make the most of the life you have; do all the things you want, travel, experience, love, do it all, do all the things that make you happy, appreciate all you have now!

I know this is long. I tried to be thorough. Thank you for taking the time to read, to consider and to donate if you choose to.

(By the way, the minimum you can donate is just a dollar, if everyone just gave me a dollar that will still help. You don't have to be a millionaire to help people).

:)

My humblest appreciation, thank you so much!

Sara