Help me find my old self

My story starts on the 5-6-17 was out with a very good friend we were both at the sandpit in Auckland having fun on our bikes when I stupidly lost control of my quad at 60 km/hr and found myself crushed underneath it, luckily my buddy was not far behind and managed to lift the bike off my left foot and right knee at first I was in shock and was in a lot of pain.

We managed to get back to the car and I went to my GP and was sent for X-rays these showed chipped bone on left foot and bruising on knee sent to physiotherapist to try help.

Managed to sort foot but right knee never came right have been to 5 months physio 2 mri scans 1 ultrasound 2 X-rays and 3 sports therapists and have had injections in knee to try help nothing has worked.

Finally got to see a specialist at DHB after my appointment was pushed 3 times from 8 nov 2020 to 30 april 2021 and when I get there my GP had put the wrong leg on paper work so was told to go back to GP and start again but while there he did check me out and straight away said oh yes that’s a Medial meniscus tear and I need an operation to sort.

So here I am 4 years later with 8 pages of info and Acc says they can’t cover me as to long and can’t link it to original injury.

This is where it gets though I’ve put on 20 kgs since accident as I can’t do any of the activities I used to do that helped me keep my Wieght down it’s so bad I’ve been of work now for 3 weeks with no acc help run out of sick and holidays but the worst is my mental health has declined because I can’t see the fun in life with all the pain killers and pills the GP pumps into you life for me is in black and white.

To say I haven’t thought about suicide would be untrue but with such amazing family and friends especially my wife and kids I know I would never do that to them.

This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write as I have never needed help before with paying for things but not being able to work I’m selling off anything I can to fund the operation myself and to to cover the 6 to 10 weeks needed after to get back to work.

My operation cost is somewhere from $8000 to $10000 not including rehab after.

I just want my life back and to be able to do things with my wife and kids again plus I miss the adventures I did with my friends and family I find myself making up story’s to get out of doing things because I’m so fat and depressed.

I fell ashamed just writing this.

Jason bray