Please help give me more time with my beautiful family

Talofa lava to all of you who have been so loving and generous and donated to my Givealittle page. As I mentioned in my last post I am in awe of the kindness of people who have given to me so selflessly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I’m afraid I have some difficult news to share this time. Last week my oncologist advised me and Fetu that chemotherapy and immunotherapy are no longer keeping my cancer at bay and that I would be best to stop the treatment and instead spend what time I have left with my nearest and dearest.  Of course, we are feeling heartbroken that it has come to this, and my priorities now lie with spending precious time with Fetu and our six beautiful children.

I am also keenly aware that you all gave me money, hoping it would fund further treatments for the privately funded immunotherapy drug, Avastin. This is now no longer the case, and so do please let me know if you would like your generous donation returned. At this stage, I have not considered any other treatment options, but instead any of the Givealittle funds will likely go towards taking a small trip away with my husband and children in the next month or so, if I remain well enough. Anything left over from that would go towards our family’s day to day expenses in the coming months. Again, please do let me know if you would prefer your donation returned to you; I will be respectful of your request, and forever grateful of the opportunity you provided me with. For those others, please know that the funds you donated will be spent wisely, and that I’m enormously grateful to be able to put it towards creating loving and lasting memories with my loves Fetu, Rosemary, Alisa, To'osavili, AJ, Eric and Shaun.

Thank you to the amazing team at Auckland oncology department, my oncologist, surgeons, radiologists, nurses and staff, and the Harbour Cancer Care team. You are angels.

With my diagnosis in May 2018 I have received endless love and support from so many, many people. I have never felt so loved, and so humbled, not to mention thankful and blessed.

I continue to pray for God's blessings upon you all and your families.

With all my love

Penelope Tevita Tuatagaloa ❤❤❤

I leave you with this poem I came across on Facebook.

Priorities:

By Semisi Livai

--------------

I’ve realized something extremely important tonight, while tucking my kids into bed after family prayer.

When I die, most people I know will be sad, but their day will continue as normal.

Respectful condolences will be shared via phone calls, social media, and face to face... but their day will continue as normal.

Thoughts of my passing may cause them to pause and reflect now and then... but their day will continue as normal.

...AND THEN...

There are a few people... whose world would shatter!

They would be in a state of paralysis, both physically and emotionally.

They wouldn’t know how to handle the missing puzzle pieces of everyday life.

the bedtime stories...

the popcorn movie nights...

the empty side of the closet...

the bike rides...

the date nights... etc.

They will continue to cry, even after the tears have run dry.

They will lie awake in heartache, hoping to fall asleep so the night can pass.

They will save my voicemails for a time, just to hear my voice.

They will fall apart when they see my empty pillow.

They will treasure such silly things like my neck tie or my empty wallet.

They will still say “goodnight” to me, and they will imagine hearing my response.

They will hug my sweater, and wish to God that I was still in it.

They will leave my seat open at the dinner table, with the salt and ketchup nearby.

They will find a quiet place, just to talk to me out loud.

They will miss me...

Really, really miss me!

Sure, they will eventually find their footing and slowly learn to carry on, but their lives will never be the same - without me.

**NOW, these handful of people in my life, are the one’s that deserve the BEST of me!

I must stop giving them my leftovers!!

leftover time...

leftover energy...

leftover patience...

I claim that they are my FIRST priority in life, but constantly attend to them LAST....

I have shown more patience to an angry client, than to my playful children....

I have spoken more kindly to an annoying boss, than to my tired wife....

I have had great workouts at the gym, but too tired for hide-and-seek....

I have called to check up on my friends, more than I have on my own parents....

THIS CHANGES NOW!! I’m sure I will fail time and time again, but Change. Starts. Now.

So, what’s the lesson I learned?

I will give the most love - to those who love me most!!

I highly suggest you do the same.

#priorities