Wil 2 Live

$30,203 of $100,000 goal
Given by 189 generous donors in 2 years

Wilhelmina, full of life in these photos, is battling breast, bone & lung cancer. Please help her get the treatments she needs to beat this.

Wellington

Update 10th October

It is with a very heavy heart that I have to share the news that our dear Wilhelmina lost her brave battle with cancer. She passed away peacefully at home, her happy place, surrounded by all her family just before 6pm on Sunday.

Charles, Sacha, Alayna, Freya and Aurelia, along with Wil's sister, brother and parents have been truly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support shown by so many people.

As far as this Givealittle page goes, our attention turns to Charles and the girls. They need our support now more than ever to get through this next stage of the journey they're on. Please continue to donate and support them while they re-adjust their life. They need us now.

Please see page update for more information.

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Original Page Content:

Just over a year ago, I started a Givealittle page for my dear friend, Wil. The response was so lovely, heartfelt and for Wil who would rather give than receive, quite overwhelming. The amount raised, thanks to the incredible network of family, friends and friends of friends enabled her to explore alternative treatments to heal her breast cancer. It gave her peace, took her on a Magical Mystery Tour (MMT – her words) to Australia which also enabled her to meet new friends, traveling that same path.

This thing is, people who have metastatic disease, they don’t look sick. She hides her pain and continues her daily concern and care for others. But it’s really, seriously time to focus that care and concern on her, because cancer being the dog it is, is relentless and the treatments costly. It was originally her intention to fly to Germany or Mexico or Oklahoma to find “the cure”, however since the original page was set up Wil has found that the cancer has spread to her spine (discovered whilst treating 2 fractured vertebrae) and lungs after experiencing shortness of breath and a cough she couldn’t shake. She is unable travel and now even finds difficulty in walking.

There is a chance for some real help, in the form of Cesium Chloride, which is taken topically. In laymen’s terms, it specifically targets, penetrates and attacks the cancer cells. However, the cost of the medication is at least $680 per month and she’ll need more than one prescription, plus consultations and scans and then a significant amount of bone strengthening supplements. She also has to take very strong pain killers and this will be extended until her brittle bones heal. This treatment will have to continue for the rest of her life.

The problem is that Wil cannot work as a Porse carer with children that she has to pick up or look after, or go for walks. This is heart-breaking for her as the children are her joy, the reality is that it’s just too hard. She has also put her beloved graduate diploma in lifestyle medicine training (which she is hitting out of the park!) on hold so she can 100% focus on her health and getting back on top.

So we want to replace Wil’s income for the next two years and make sure she has a fair and decent chance of getting well. That’s why we are setting this goal, which will enable a worry-free period (financially) and total focus on the thing that most matters.

Wil’s MMT started back in November 2014…this is her story.

She is the adored wife of Charles and devoted Mama to her 4 amazing daughters, Sacha (15), Alayna (13), Freya (10) and Aurelia (8). Much loved daughter, sister and aunt, cherished friend and neighbourhood crusader. She's also a second mum, Mama Wil to her many past and present Porse children.

Her life has always been about people, from nursing those with end-stage cancer, to psycho-therapy training, to her current roles as a Porse Educator and Life Coach, she is devoted to helping and supporting others both in her career and personal life.

In November 2014, her life changed forever. A lump was discovered in her right breast. After various tests, one lump turned out to be five and involved her lymph nodes, plus two more were found in her left breast. Following more tests, a month later, just two days before Christmas she got the final diagnosis. Ductal Carcinoma in Situ in her right breast, a very aggressive cancer with lymph node involvement and Ductal Carcinoma Tubular in her left breast. Then just to add some more fun, Wilhelmina was also told about a 'slightly suspect' Haemangioma (abnormal collection of blood vessels) on her liver which they were again 99% sure was nothing. It wasn’t nothing and after 6 months of aggressive and soul-destroying chemotherapy, all while continuing her role as Porse carer…with Charles gaining his qualifications to take the reins when needed, it was confirmed in her liver too.

To this, her doctors said there was no point in performing a mastectomy – the original course of action, as they believed it would not prolong her life and essentially told her there was nothing more they would, or could do.

So Wil’s dogged determination to heal herself headed her off on her MMT, with a fairly loose prognosis, it could be 2 years, it could be 30. Well naturally this champion chose 30 and is doing all she can, including making radical lifestyle changes and seeking out ground-breaking and proven alternative therapies.

She desperately wants to live...she has so much to live for and so many people want and need her to stay around! Well, now it's time to get some of that support she has given all her life, given back to her. She was initially against this page being set up - it didn't sit well with her. But as time has gone on, treatments have been suffered through and it's taken a toll on her.

Please help this amazing family have some relief and go forward as they go through this. We will keep this page updated.

Thank you

Lauren Fantham's involvement (page creator)

Saying that I'm a friend of Wil's just doesn't cut it. The love I feel for her and her family cannot be measured in words. I am so proud to know them, they are extended family and will do anything I can to help them.

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Life Goes On  9 February 2017

Below is an update from Charles...it's wonderful and written as he has thought it. Read. and Enjoy.

There are also two new photos added to the gallery. One is a crazy-haired face pulling Wil in hospital, not long before she passed. She maintained that sense of humour to the end.

The other is one close to my own heart. It was taken at my daughter Poppy's 1st birthday - taken by Sacha...the look of love on Wil's face as she poses for her eldest is heart-achingly serene.

Over to you Charles:

Ok - So where do I start? Yes, where do we start?

I guess although this may be a good question to ask, the real answer is that we never actually finished anything! Starting is not what we have done, we have simply continued.

Has it been hard without Wilhelmina? Of course, yes.

Do we miss her? Yes

Do we want her back? Yes

Is she coming back? No

“Papa I wish you could bring her back”, yes that has been a real statement from one of my daughters.

“Papa, it is better that mama died. They couldn’t cure her and she had pain”. That was another wonderful wise statement from one of my daughters.

There have been many words of wisdom come from the children along with great moments of comedy as they remembered little memories of singing out of tune in the car to Cher and “Walking in Memphis”.

Our house is not a house of sadness. Generally speaking, we live a life of “movement” ever evolving and moving forward.

Most of what I have been trying to do is to put plans in to action that Wil and I discussed. For instance; moved the girls in to one big room (my old bedroom) so that we freed up a room to be a study. Now we are cleaning that space and making it into a workable study space. This meant buying a bunk bed so that the four girls could occupy the one space.

Paying the house off. Well when you are one income down this is almost impossible. Thanks to your contributions on Givealittle - I paid $23,000 off the mortgage. This brought down the monthly interest from around $515 to around $460. I really need to rid myself of the mortgage completely because if I do not do this within the next year or so I could lose the house completely.

It is a small mortgage in comparison to others of $112,000 however losing your partner’s income doesn’t help.

Wilhelmina wanted to me to add another room to the house. Goodness knows when that would be!

She was very wise so I wish to make this happen. She wanted to flatten the back garden and make it workable for an organic veggie patch. She wanted a retaining wall to create such a garden…ever hopeful.

Wil and I discussed my further development both as a teacher and a masseur and so I am always researching ways to increase my capacity to both learn and earn. So, this is something I will continue to do and recently gained a certificate in Raynor massage and intend to do the diploma next year.

The children and I had a great Christmas and are continuing to have fun. We have watched movies, been for nerf throwing, tried handstands and played music and wrestled and had people around for dinner. We went to see Nona and Opa this month and life continues as you can imagine without ceasing.

Bills still come in as they do for all of you and lunches need making and clothes still need purchasing. I am lucky enough that my girls have been brought up to know what general responsibility is. They clean and make dinners and can bake and knit and do all kinds of wonderful creative things. As well this they are actually very nice people. (I am of course biased).

Wil’s funeral was funnily enough a highlight of last year. Some say there were 800 people who attended. There were great speakers and Christmas carols and people dressed in colour instead of black. The coffin was painted by the children and covered in shells and stones.

After the service, we held a party for her. There was a live jazz band made up of students and ex-students of mine as well as people whom I had played alongside in bands of the past. I sang with them. There was dancing and there was so much food, people were so generous we had to give a lot of it away.

There were of course plenty of tears but there was also laughter. Wilhelmina wanted us to have a party and so that is what her funeral was like. People came away feeling renewed and uplifted. In life, she had brought people together and she did also in death.

There are many people that I should mention who have helped through this whole process but I fear I might leave someone out. So maybe I should just say - you all know who you are.

Life is complex when it comes to emotions and so when you ask us how we feel, we may just give the answer “fine”. It’s as close as you may ever get to the truth. One person commented on my behaviour recently noting that I was quite “jovial”. They thought it was inappropriate - I answered truthfully, “I’m sorry - I’ve never lost a wife before, I don’t know how to act”.

And that my friends, is the truth of it. None of us here “know” how to be. We are simply feeling our way through life.

Thank you for your incredible support through what has been an unusual time.

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Harrods
Harrods on 01 Dec 2017
There are no words to express how much we love you all. T, L & P
$100
Harrods
Harrods on 01 Nov 2017
There are no words to express how much we love you all. T, L & P
$100
Harrods
Harrods on 01 Oct 2017
There are no words to express how much we love you all. T, L & P
$100
Harrods
Harrods on 01 Sep 2017
There are no words to express how much we love you all. T, L & P
$100
Harrods
Harrods on 01 Aug 2017
There are no words to express how much we love you all. T, L & P
$100

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This page was created on 30 Aug 2016 and closed on 30 Sep 2018.