One Year On - A Word from Jo
1 November 2021
Late last night, on the anniversary of Alex’s death, I wrote an update for Alex’s page. I thought I had posted it, but it wasn’t there this morning. Maybe Alex knew that I had had a glass of wine whilst writing it, so he deleted it for me. That’s the sort of thing he would do.
It took me a very long time before I could open his page and read through your comments. The shock of losing my boy was too great. Every time anyone was kind to me, I crumpled. Time has passed and I am getting a little stronger.
I have now read through every one of your comments many times and have seen your donations. I have been lost for words at the kindness of family and friends, and of people whom I have never met but have shown such compassion and thoughtfulness. I am particularly in awe of my family and close friends, who instead of stepping back when I was hit by a second major challenge, stepped right up. I feel blessed to have them by my side.
Your donations allowed us to give Alex a very beautiful send off - a memorable day filled with love. Your donations allowed my parents to come out to New Zealand and spend a long time here with me and my daughter, Maddie, getting us through a period of intense grief. Maddie was only a year younger than Alex when he died and has suffered immeasurably from losing her brother. As a result, her mental health has deteriorated. So, your donations have also gone towards providing medical and other support for her in her recovery. The hope is that next year, she may be able to participate in school again. At the moment, we are just working on her getting through each day.
So once again, thank you for your kindness in helping us get this far and for your kind words, as they mean so much.
Yesterday, I spent the day going through my Alex treasure boxes. I also spent time with his two closest friends. We looked at photographs and watched videos of Alex and his friends doing silly things in the weeks before he died. It was a day full of pain but also beauty.
I miss hugging my big-footed, loud-laughing boy. I miss his wisdom and wit. I miss how he made sure I knew how he appreciated every single thing I did for him. But, at the same time I know he is still here with me, in my heart. It’s not the same, but I will treasure whatever little bit of him I have.
With much love and appreciation,
Jo