Hi all, sorry for the radio silence for the last week – I have meaning to update you all, but it has been difficult to sit down and know how to begin, but for the generous donators and those of you following my story - I owe you all an update.
As you will know, I travelled to the UK from Christchurch on Sunday 30th June, arriving with Dad Tuesday morning NZ time, Monday night here. (There is an 11 hour time difference at the moment).
Walking into Dad’s house, I was very apprehensive, but nothing could have prepared me for seeing Dad the way he is. He was very thin when I was in the UK in February, but seeing him now, sitting on the couch in the lounge, I can only describe him as emaciated - just skin and bone. Not only that, but his spirit has disappeared. This cancer is literally sapping the essence out of him.
The first 24 hours I spent with him were a rollercoaster of emotion - frightening, upsetting, confusing, frustrating, a sense of helplessness, but I also felt such a sense of love and adoration for him, which I have never experienced before. It is quite strange to see the first man in my life, my hero, the guy who also had such an adventurous spirit, reduced to a vulnerable, empty shell.
Over the next few days, I spent the time getting used to Dad's routine, figuring out his cocktail of meds, and trying to make a plan of 'what now?' Dad spends the majority of the day in bed, and then will get up around 2-3pm, come downstairs for a few hours to watch TV and then head back to bed around 10pm. Pancreatic Cancer severely affects its sufferer’s appetites, meaning Dad only manages two mugs of Complan (liquid meal replacement) per day. He also has to take Kreon supplements, which are digestive enzymes, to replace the ones his pancreas would normally produce. Trying to get him to drink more than a glass of water a day is also a challenge, and so he is very dehydrated, as well as malnourished.
We also had another spanner thrown in the works this week, when Dad's car (our only way of getting in and out of the village) broke down on the way into town on Tuesday afternoon. As if we needed any more drama!
I called Green Flag – his roadside assistance company – just after 4pm, explaining that I had my terminally ill father with me, so we’d need recovery as soon as possible. I was assured the truck would be with us within the hour. However, the first hour passed, and then the second, and then the third. I was continually calling back Green Flag in this time to get an update, but of course, you spend at least 20 minutes on hold, just trying to get through, and never get the same person twice, so have to go over the whole story again.
After 4 hours, still no update, and so we got a taxi home, as Dad was really suffering, and overdue on his meds. As you can imagine, I am absolutely furious at the company, and will be writing a complaint to them soon. I just cannot understand how they could leave somebody so ill abandoned like that – I’m just so glad he wasn’t on his own. The car was eventually recovered 24 hours later, and dropped off at the local garage.
The bad news is, it sounds like it’s going to cost more than double the value of the car to repair, so we are currently stuck in the village, with no transport, and no idea if Dad’s insurance company will pay out. If they do, I’m going to purchase a cheap little run-around to use for supermarket and hospital trips, plus it will also mean I can pop over to Southampton and visit Mum and my brother and sister. Fingers crossed!
As Dad has been so unwell since Christmas, the house and garden have become quite neglected, so I have been donning the Marigolds and cleaning the house top-to-toe, and have also organised a ‘working bee’ with friends, who are coming over next weekend to tackle the garden in exchange for a BBQ and drinks. Again, I am lost for words for the amount of assistance we are receiving.
So as much as the beginning of this update may have made you shed a few tears, there are also some wonderful things happening, despite the situation.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. My amazing Dave, my family and my friends, who are providing endless support during this time. I love you all.
2. The generous Givealittle donators, who have helped lighten the financial burden for the first few weeks.
3. Summertime – I find being able to go outside with the sun on my skin and fresh air in my lungs gives me the strength to carry on.
4. The time I am spending with Dad, even though he isn’t present for most of it, I will never have this opportunity again, so it is so, so precious.
Well, I think that has, more or less, brought you all up to date. Again, it is hard for me to find the words to express my gratitude for those of you who are helping me in all ways and forms at this difficult time. Although the outlook isn’t good, I know I will get through it, thanks to you all.
Please keep sharing the Givealittle page with your nearest and dearest.
Thank you.
Love, Briony xxx
