TRIBUTE TO JEANETTE
2 March 2018
(1)
Well, here I am, borrowing Jeanette's private GAL password once again, to write a tribute to the beautiful presence & friendship Jeanette brought into my life.
It seemed fitting to write something from my heart here today - on this date - as I've come to realise that today is the 1-year-anniversary of our favourite "GAL Campaign" photo (& personal friendship photo of all time!).
We were at the Waterfront Bar, Raumati Beach, on a glorious Kapiti day in NZ where we'd been reunited, after many, many years - thanks to Jeanette's initiative to visit me enroute from her Aussie home to a wedding in Wellington, where she would regroup with family members.
In what was to be "our time" - being an evening and another whole relaxing day together, we parked ourselves at The Waterfront Bar & Cafe on the second day, where Jeanette said, as she had a manner of doing in light-hearted moments ... "Hey, lets take a selfie!", as I supped on a "Sailor's Colada" and her on her favourite - champagne.
And we had, awaiting on our rustic table in the semi-outdoor "patio" area - within the sound of seagulls and ocean - a beautiful platter assortment of Antipasto waiting for us to share and pick at with toothpicks as we mulled the afternoon away with our relaxed conversation and the enjoyment of feeling "reunited at last".
The sun, you will see, was out in full bloom, with accompanying blue-blanket sky. And light, early autumn breezes came in to cool us, once the Cafe Bar unrolled its white, tent-like windows on our deck.
So overjoyed were we to see each other after soooo long .. and we got some good reminiscing in. We also never had trouble, which was typical of us, at going deep into anything in our conversations and then somehow we'd re-surface, like gentle whales coming up to playfully spout their blowholes ... and we'd have one of those Jeanette moments again .. where she'd suddenly lighten us up again for a time ... before we submerged again to the deeper stuff ... and so it went on.
I felt blissfully happy in her beautiful presence and appreciated what a treasure she was, and always had been to me.
And her visit also gave me the courage to wear my wig out for the first time that day (which I'd been trying to avoid up until then!). The wig lady had said to give it a groovy name - like "Sassy Susan" (to encourage my new "identity") ...
but I had rebelled (hair grief's a journey all it's own, for sure) and called it 'Richard' and stuffed it in a paper bag! How ungrateful for a $500+ governmented-funded (beautifully styled) wig I was !
But I remember finding the courage that morning - saying to myself "Wendy, some day Jeanette may need to draw on this courage step from you". And so I felt enabled, for that reason alone, to break yet another fear barrier.
To give you some more insight into our relationship, if I look at how long we 'knew' each other .. it kinda spans some 40-odd years (I know J would come up with the exact no.of years here - 'cause that is what she excelled in - memory detail (among a million other things).
(2)
Now jumping ahead a bit ...
We had a brief reconnection - since our teens and early twenties years - once I got back from my big 'OE'.
Being now in my early thirties, we caught up at Jay's beautiful Karori home bordering a park, where they were renovating (need I mention!) and raising their young family (girls around 8 & 10 years then, I think?). I always remembered though, Jay remarking that she didn't know if she made a good mother.
I left her that day, admiring what she was doing with her life and home; and we didnt really connect up again until some 10 years later.
That 10 years later it was, at that time, a fairly brief (because I was so sick; and she so busy) farewell coffee & lunch at the new & baby-friendly (that was quite novel back then!) newish cafe in Ngaio, Wellington.
That meetup was arranged by my mum - whose side I was glued to at the time, as I was just coming out into recovery from a nervous breakdown! I was in such a sorry state & a bit spaced out, but I recall seeing a Jeanette I hadn't seen before.
She was all "officey-looking" .. well coifered .. including her hair which I think was in a smart, shorter bob-style .. and ... dare I say it .. wearing what was pretty much at the time called "the (womens') power jacket"!
My heart was overjoyed even just to see her sweet self briefly .. triggering memories .. even in my mental haziness .. of lovely times we'd spent together way-back-when.
And I thought she appeared to have a life that was "so successful" ... and once again admired what she was doing with her life ... and the fact that she'd landed herself a special job offer in Aussie .. and was about to go onto new adventures with her husband and family. And I kinda guessed at the time, that we may be drifting apart too much to keep up contact, just because our lives, and stages of life, were so vastly different by then.
So we said our polite goodbyes and she hugged my feeble body and, as always, she sensitively avoided any intrusive questioning .. or judgement .. or any focus at all really on my 'condition' or 'prospects' (which I constantly felt so embarrassed about).
But I do recall this young businesswomen, who had previously thought she didn't really add up to being a good mum, taking great care in her family's emmigration adventure plans, to consider the needs of her children and their schooling .. despite her guilt of having the career-focus bug, as you do. (You could have dropped all that guilt today Jay, by the way, if you saw the magazines out now that we're all grabbing for in NZ to glean everything we can about our bold, passionate and seemingly loved and admired new young Prime Minister (Jacinda) ... announcing her pregnancy soon after coming into office .. and committing, seemingly joyfully, with her partner to guide a whole country and a new life all together - much the same as you managed Jay).
(3)
So we parted ways once more .. and, although I didn't keep direct connection, my mum was very good at keeping in touch with anyone who came in contact with our family .. and I remember her showing me photos of Jay & her family's new home over there .. and thought that was all such a very brave move .. and that her life was "ticketty-boo" .. and probably wouldn't benefit any more from any input from me.
(4)
It wasn't until, when I was entering into my fifties, some 10 or so more years later, that Jay's life and presence came back toward me like a thunder clap & lightening bolt all at the same time.
I vividly recall sitting in the library, with my laptop on my knee ... and in my email inbox from mum (through my Cousin Darren up north, bumping into Mike Cudby - Jeanette's dad) I was informed that my friend of such a life-span had been delivered the blow of a short life sentence due to a lung cancer conditon.
I felt like I had been kicked in the gut; a grieving wound which ran deep and I carried it for days - in which time I decided that there was no question about it - by hook or by crook, I was determined to reconnect with my almost life-long friend.
As usual 'mother' - our family networker - just happened to have Jay's parents' Taupo address didn't she ... and so starting from a reconnection first by letter-writing to each other, Jay & I started to find our way, through our writings, in an unhurried pace, back to the friendship we had known as teenagers.
We both bravely spoke on paper more and more about the joys our friendship had given each other back-in-the-day (and found out we were each other's' secret fan!). And memories gently began to surface ... about our numerous latenight chats over coffee (that was before "fancy coffees") ... at the beautiful little character home her & my brother were then decorating ... and we started to feel like we were back in that place again with our friendship.
In those times way back in our early days, we would regularly get to rights with life by conversation We of course led to sorting out the unsortable world of women's relationship concerns; and joys - as you do. But I mostly remember our ease and warmth of friendship .. and Jeanette's knack for beautiful hospitality.
And now, after this reconnection in my fifties (can't quite recall how much younger she was than me in age) ... we ventured into greater depths .. via growing emails, texts and then phone-calls. We managed, especially over these past few years, to find more and more trust; and our friendship seemed to get even deeper ... and almost ... well ... "unbreakable". She really knew how to keep a friend and was so good at it and taught me so much.
(5)
So, getting back to today; although I got to deciding on this tribute after a few tears with the Hospital Chaplain the other day in hosp (who cleverly detected that I hadn't really said "farewell" to my precious friend) it has encouraged me to realise it is probably quite fitting for me to actually write down something - in her honour and memory - because she was constantly adoring whatever I would write and encouraged me always to keep on that journey, which she knew was my great passion.
I even tried to get her to edit my pieces - but that might be the only area I can see was her failure ... to find any fault with me or what I had written!
In fact, I was shocked when two years into our re-connected "adult" friendship, she just happened to let slip that she had kept and filed and treasured two poems I had written straight from the heart for her, when I felt such a deep conpassion for what my special friend may have to go through ... and I desperately didn't want her to suffer.
I cant access them (the two poems) from here in the hosp on my little phone ... but I recall a bit of what they were about ..
One was something like "Put up your mental feet and rest, my weary mind . . .";
The other (my favourite) revealing my own gentle caring heart for her .. which I think was called "I want to Be Fairy Dust" .. and went something like "I want to be fairy dust for you ... like sprinkles on cupcakes ...".
A very gentle poem, for a very gentle soul.
(6)
So, now I have done my tribute, I would like to pray for a very special blessing from God, the Understanderer of suffering (yep - Jay knew I was into Him!) ... to cover Jeanette's family with emotional and physical shelter and comfort galore, and the eventual and growing ability to move through your incredible loss.
My heart is SO with you all as you mourn and no doubt get chances at times to reminisce about much joy experienced too - with your beautuful family member who just went to sleep a little earlier than the rest of us for now.
My greatest hug possible to you all who are grieving out there.
Much love to a special family I've had the privelege to rub shoulders with.
Going now .. my hosp.dinner - roast beef (yum!) has just arrived ... and I have an appetite to boot!.
Meanwhile, they won't let me go til my bowels move (sorry about that bit - but Jay DID teach me to share and keep writing honestly!)
Looks like I might be off the trial .. all depending .. but to tell the truth, I'm just looking forward to more times out on my nature rides ... visiting the bike shop ... attending appointmemts and generally finding any excuse to trip up to the nearest supermarket on my precious (gender-neutral) "Bikey" ... who still lives in my tiny lounge with me .. and continues to remind me of all the joy you beautiful people invested into my happiness and 'quality of life' and, in turn, to Jeanette's - who was such a central part to this all getting off the ground from concept to reality - her very sensitive specialty.
So it's a 'Bye' from me, for now . . .
A while down the road, when the time feels right - and I have worked out how to navigate the life of a blogger - I may point you to my new blog site/s, if you like, in case anyone's interested (of course Bikey's bound to get a few mentions!)
LOVE HEAPS . . & . . . 'LET US ALL HAVE US SOME 'SOFT' DAYS', is my parting wish, as we all recover in our individual sense of loss and yet still will be able to carry the one we love so very much in our hearts forever.
Love, blessing and warmest of wishes,
From Wendy xx
xxxooooooo💟💟💟💟xxxxoooo
