Hello!
First of all, I wanted to express my gratitude to everyone who has so selflessly contributed to this Give a Little Page. Your efforts have helped make such positive tracks for me and my family towards treatment and support, and it would be tremendously hard to express how truly grateful we are for the kindness we have experienced over the past six months.
With each donation on this page, or donations given to my family in person, I can see a physical weight come off my father's shoulders. He is the sole income earner for my family, and works to support both myself, my sister and my mum, who has an auto immune disease. When another one of his girls got 'sick', I could see that it absolutely broke his heart. When I finished chemotherapy after five months of intensive fortnightly chemo sessions and I heard I was in metabolic remission, I jumped for absolute joy, knowing it could only mean good things. When I found out that the recommended treatment for my cancer was unfunded in New Zealand, it made my blood boil. When a doctor suggests a medicine that could potentially save, or as they like to put it in doctor terms, prolong your life; you would immediately think it would be free, would you not? Or maybe this was just my thinking, as a twenty year old woman who had lived most of her life far removed from any problems with healthcare, pharmac or likewise.
However as I said; as much as this is a concerning issue (one which I will continue to investigate and hopefully help aim to change) there can only be good things to come in my future. The support shown to me, from people all over the world from as far as Dubai, France and right next door to our Aussie counterparts, has shown me a new side of humanity that I had never encountered before and has left me gathering up the broken pieces created by cancer, with hope and a sense of anticipation for the future.
Metabolic remission are two, scary, yet extremely exciting words to a cancer patient. For sure, if I could hear just "remission", I'd be stoking out, but knowing that the five months of chemo I endured have hopefully given me 5 years, 10 years, 20 years or even 90 years of living as a cancer free woman is also wonderful. I aim to appreciate these extra years given to me with thoughtfulness, kindness and to see this second chance at life as continuation of the political, strong minded and brave person that I have become. I hope to take actions and steps that will ensure each day I live, is one of abundance and clarity; doing, creating and loving with all the energy that I have.
I visited a doctor a week ago, who was a very kind man but repetitively mentioned his belief that my cancer WOULD come back, without a doubt. I had never experienced this from a doctor before, and it threw me in a wave of doubt and fear. Should I get married, or have children if I know that one day, I might face the 'terror' of cancer again? But then I realised, and excuse my language, you just really have to say "FUCK THAT". One of the pitfalls of the medical system is that you so often become a number. One in three people get cancer, statistically 'this' many people get Follicular Lymphoma, 'this' many people on a 'scale' die from Lymphoma, what is your pain on a scale of one to ten? What is the number on your hospital bracelet? As someone who is extremely Dyscalculic, numbers confuse me and I have decided not to bother whatsoever.
Growing up, I experienced a range of learning disabilities, predominately Dyslexia and Dyscalculia. I was told I would never graduate high school, graduate university, never have a job and I would never be caught riding a bike, running without falling over, playing a sport or driving a car. They told me I would never learn to read, and I might never know what a "Stop" or "Give Way" sign read. All of these statistics were given to me by the medical system and I apparated (Yes, I learnt how to read and this is a Harry Potter reference) my way out of their expectations. I learnt to read and write, tell the time, ride a bike, run and play a sport. In fact, I was one of the best Young Adult Dressage (Equestrian) riders in New Zealand and became a Black Belt in Wado Kai Karate, as well as a Four Time National Champion. I finished high school at sixteen and went on to study a Certificate of Media Arts, a Bachelor of Fine Arts and now I study a Bachelor of Fashion Design and Business, working as a Barista and a Freelance Illustrator on the side. I achieved these accomplishments because of sheer hard work, trial and error and through the solid grounds of resilience.
Looking back on what I have struggled with, cancer seems like a blip in my timeline, a loose thread in my tapestry. But a blip that does indeed, warn of long term complications. I intend to move forward just as I was before cancer blipped it's way into my life and my large B-Cells, but perhaps, with a little more focus than before. I have never taken another person's infliction of the word 'no' on me before and I shall continue to deflect 'no' for the rest of my life.
I think the most important thing, any person could ever realise about having cancer, is that it is not your identity. I was so many more things before I was a cancer patient and I am so many more things, before I am a cancer survivor. Cancer doesn't have the power to decide my life for me, and will never be the main focus for me. My favourite thing to say, is that "the doctors control your body, but you are the only one in control of your mind'.
I just want to thank everyone for being here for me, and joining me in the path back to health and world domination. I and my family, appreciate your help to the ends of the earth and back and I promise I will find every way possible, to pay it forward.
Lots of love, Katie.
