Back to page

A LOVED PHYSICIAN BECOMES A PATIENT

  • A final personal update from Lincoln #4

      30 January 2018

    As the end of the month draws near, it is both a duty and a privilege to pay my tribute to you all – who have kept watchful company with me these months past while I have trod this path, from the initiation of my treatment to the close of this page. During that time I have felt the sedate strength of your humanity, and have learned how great it is to be alive in a world where human kindness and fellow-feeling still shine with life-giving light.

    During the last 6 weeks this treatment that you have helped me have has reduced my symptoms to a level that has allowed me to undertake a small number of hours at work on a narrow range of selected tasks. Previous to that I couldn’t even have contemplated such a thing. That I have benefited from this treatment so far, and as to how long I shall continue to do so, must lie in the lap of the gods; but that I have been able to have this treatment with my head still held above water is by grace of your selfless gifts to me. These have sustained me: these, and your words – which have put new heart into me every time I have read them.

    Thank you my friends for all that you have done and said here; for caring. Because of this treatment, and through your tender-hearted goodness, I now have a fighting chance of making it through a longer time with my family than had seemed possible at the start. We have felt held by you, and whatever the outcome of this journey we will always remember your awe-inspiring kindness, your magnificent generosity, and will carry the warmth of your compassion in our hearts.

      0 comments  |  Login to leave a comment

  • A personal update from Lincoln #3

      22 December 2017

    When I last wrote to you I had entered a phase of renewed decline in the shadow of a pleural space infection – though hoping fervently that improvement would follow once it had settled. However, following that I had a spate of five admissions to hospital with sepsis over the ensuing few weeks, and hopes for ‘improvement’ had to be postponed – a postponement that I feared would be indefinite. However since my last discharge from hospital, which was slightly over 2 weeks ago, I have experienced something of a reprieve: I have felt greatly improved and there is also evidence on my scan that the Keytruda has produced an effect. With this impetus, and with the kind support of my colleagues and senior management at my place of work, I am beginning to take steps towards returning to work in some capacity, and hoping to remain feeling relatively healthy for long enough to be able to progress to something like normal work hours.

    In my relief at feeling so much better recently I am ever mindful that it has all been made possible by your generosity, by the great-hearted support of colleagues, by the doctors and staff at the hospital who cared for me at those times I tumbled headlong down the slope and needed rescuing, and others whose steady, nourishing friendship I am so privileged to enjoy; and by the deep, steadfast, sustaining love of my family.

    As ever, when I visit this page I enter a region suffused with the most intense sense of connection with you – in a realm where words are deeds and every gift from each of your gentle, compassionate hearts holds an indescribable significance for me. I feel blessed by you all ......by your gifts of love, and by your thoughtful, uplifting words.

    It is a curious thing having a malady like this ¬– something that overturns priorities and makes hitherto nursed motives and goals evaporate, and which imposes a sense that one is never truly oneself again. Being a physician I have seen its face before, but always from a certain distance. It is not until something like this happens to oneself that one becomes so immediately and fully sensible of what it may truly mean….for example the sense that one’s body is no longer fully one’s own, and the pungent daily struggle of clutching at a feeling of wellness that is only a memory – and is anyway implacably out of reach. With this truth to embrace, however unwillingly, strength is the thing that matters most; and it is this that your wonderful kindness gives me.

    The other thing I was not prepared for encountering was the tender-heartedness of people who care about what happens to me, and think I am worth sparing a thought (and more) for. The weight of this realisation is unlike anything I have known before. So, though I cannot (and probably never will) find the words to express this I should like you to know that my thanks to you comes from that place that never loses sight of how big a thing it is to receive such compassion.

      0 comments  |  Login to leave a comment

  • A personal update from Lincoln #2

      10 November 2017

    2 weeks ago, as we went into Labour Weekend, I was feeling stable enough in my symptoms and well enough in myself to attempt to return to work in some capacity, and had marked out the ensuing Tuesday for doing so. Then on Labour Day, in the space of 2 hours I became quite ill and had to be admitted to hospital with a pleural space infection. After plumbing a new low over the next few days and with a sense of impending decline, I became resigned to my health not regaining the level from which it had fallen. These past 2 weeks have been a reminder of that difficult time previous to the feeling of stabilisation that I mentioned last time, and I have found myself struggling a bit. I am now completing a course of antibiotics and I expect I shall feel better any moment now, although I suspect the paralysed half of my diaphragm will have much to do with how my symptoms evolve from here.

    Throughout this time I have come repeatedly to this page where is daily inscribed your magnificent kindness and your wonderful messages which, more than anything, lift me up whenever my spirits seem inclined to sink; they awaken an echo in the heart, and stir into life again the little flickers of optimism that still dwell there. To be the beneficiary of such chivalry touches me to my depths…… it is difficult to describe the almost piercing awareness I have of being cocooned by your kindness, and being held afloat by your powerful, unselfish compassion. The deep emotion that I feel whenever I visit this page, the constant feeling that I have of awed gratitude mingled with answering warmth to you all is almost beyond my power to express, although, at the risk of boring you all with repeated attempts, I will not cease from trying to do so in my usual halting fashion.

    My 4th Keytruda infusion will take place this Friday. After that my oncologist is keen to see what effect these infusions have, so I will have a PET scan to review the extent of disease in 3 weeks time; I expect the results will be interesting, at the very least. A few days ago I received from St George’s Cancer Care Centre a kind letter from the practice manager informing me of their decision to reduce the price of my drug administration charges by 50%. This means that my total costs will decrease by nearly $6000 – which will be a great comfort.

    As ever, Julianne and I and my 2 boys carry your amazing humanity and grace in our hearts; bless you all.

      7 comments  |  Login to leave a comment

    • 19/11/2017 by Felicity

      I’m so sorry to see that you are going through this ordeal. I think of you and send you strength.

    • 19/11/2017 by Felicity

      I’m so sorry to see that you are going through this ordeal. I think of you and send you strength.

    • 21/11/2017 by Lincoln

      Felicity, I thank you very, very sincerely......for your words, and for what you have done for me on this page.

    • 22/11/2017 by Felicity

      If you need anything please ask.

    • 22/11/2017 by Felicity

      If you need anything please ask.

    • 22/11/2017 by Felicity

      I don’t know why my comments come up twice....

    • 22/11/2017 by Lincoln

      That is most generous of you, Felicity, and I thank you. Thank you also for the strength you send me; I have found in this journey so far, when more than half one's time is spent in urging a struggling body to cooperate in undertaking the most mundane activities, strength is the thing one craves most. Thank you again for that which you send me.

  • A personal update from Lincoln #1

      16 October 2017

    The generosity that greets me on this page overwhelms me daily with its witness of the selflessness of friends, and of the loving kindness of human beings moved by the need of a fellow human being. Every time I look at this page afresh it makes my eyes well up and a lump form in my throat. There are many of you whose names I am honoured to recognise as friends – whose companionship has enlivened many a day for me, many of you are valued colleagues with whom I have shared time in seeking common goals through our work, some of you are linked to me indelibly by the privilege I have had at some time of being your doctor for a while during your own trials, and there are other wonderful people here whose names I cannot know, but each one of whose gifts is a benediction that I receive with feelings of blessedness and awe. And in the messages that you have left for me every phrase speeds straight to the heart.

    My two boys and Julianne join me in expressing to all of you our feelings of wonder and deep gratitude. We are moved beyond words by your acts of compassion, by your breathtaking generosity, by the love you give us so freely. We carry your kindness in our hearts always.

    Just over 9 weeks have passed since I received my diagnosis. I have had 2 infusions of Keytruda so far, and am approaching the 3rd infusion next week. My symptoms, after getting steadily worse over the first 7 weeks, have now begun to stabilise somewhat; my pleural effusion does not collect quite so rapidly as it did; and the difficulty that I have with my breathing is not getting any worse. My oncologist thinks it may be too early to see the effects of the immunotherapy, but I’m hoping that my having felt no worse over the last few days may be an early sign that it is working.

    I remain indebted to all of you, and feel exquisitely lucky to have your invaluable, incredible support.

      2 comments  |  Login to leave a comment

    • 10/11/2017 by Jo

      Hi Lincoln and Julianne,

      We might be miles away but you are all close in our minds and hearts right now. When you kick this thing in the butt - and you will - you will need a fun vacation in Florida to celebrate! We will keep the porch light on for you! Love you! You got this! Jo, Mitchell and boys xxxxxx

    • 14/11/2017 by Lincoln

      This is so moving, Jo and Mitchell, thank you for reaching out across the miles. We love you too, you two lovely people...and your two boys, whom we got to know a little before Florida won you.

      We will come looking for that porch light one day.