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She is gone. Now we face the end of the dream and the beginning of survival...

  • Thank you...

      28 January 2025

    Deepest and most enduring thanks to all of you who have stopped by to offer condolences and support...the kids and I appreciate it.

    Such trite words.

    They don't even begin to describe the limits of how much we appreciate the efforts and contributions of all over the lest 6 weeks or so.

    From people stopping to offer emotional support to those who dropped off meals and other supplies at the door to those who helped by cleaning up the section...so many people contributed, and it has made such a difference to us as we face this new and uncertain future going forward.

    Lois fought with all her considerable will and determination, but the situation was just too far gone, even when we received the initial diagnosis.

    I am unsure of what the future holds for our family going forward, but if (as Aesop said) a man is measured by the company he keeps or by the quality of his friends and companions, then I am truly blessed.

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  • Thanks

      21 January 2025

    To all who donated or thought or prayed for Lois as she fought her last battle, our deepest, most sincere and lasting thanks.

    I will get through answering each and everyone of you who has appeared on this page, but I need a bit of time to try and patch together some sort of solution to losing my heart's blood.

    Again, our deepest thanks...and please say a prayer for her over the coming days and weeks.

    Arohanui

    Amy, Sam, Rob.

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  • ...

      20 January 2025

    Vale

    Lois Anne Frith (nee Fergusson)

    19/08/1971 to 20/01/2025

    Dearly loved wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend.

    You fought to the end.

    Amy, Sam, her family and I are devastated beyond belief...but we are also so deeply moved by the support and love shown us all over the last month or so.

    Funeral details to follow later.

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  • Numb (and not comfortably either)...

      19 January 2025

    I wish I didn't have to write this; with all my heart I wish it.

    I wish we could go back to not even a year ago, when I walked the stage, supported by Lois and the kids. Believe me, when they say behind every good man there's a better woman, they're not wrong when it comes to Lois...

    But...I must.

    We (Lois's twin, her husband, and I) spoke with the oncologist this morning. The news...was worse. Lois's condition has continued to deteriorate (get worse) over the past 36 hours or so.

    The disease is completely out of control and moving like a runaway train, and there is (at very best) only a slim chance of being able to rein it in with radiation...and the situation is not inclined towards the best case solution. At all.

    The hospital staff are attempting to keep her comfortable and to smooth her path towards 'that point', by providing pain relief, and some sedation to lessen the pain (from the cancer damage to her lumber spine and sacrum). She is barely responsive, but has surprised us over the last day or so by responding with an embrace for the kids or a hand squeeze for the rest of us.

    I would anticipate, based on what I can see, and what I have been told by the oncologist that we will be at an end no later than Wednesday evening.

    Absolutely gutted, hollow...numb...

    We were supposed to grow old disreputably together...

    What can you say??

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  • End game

      18 January 2025

    Unfortunately, what we feared most has come to pass. On speaking with the oncologist two days ago (Thurs 16 Jan), he indicated that the situation had worsened again. Quite apart from from the fact that we had multiple active lesions in brain and spinal cord, Lois's over all condition had worsened substantially.

    Her parents flew in late Thursday night, and her brothers arrived Friday. She was able to respond to their voices, and was even awake for short intervals, but overall her general condition had degenerated substantially.

    She has spent much of today sleeping/drifting, occasionally responding to individual voices, but mostly not really recognising people.

    The oncologist indicated that we had 'days left, at best'.

    The kids are of course devastated...but are bearing up like troopers, and we are both so VERY proud of them. Its not something that anyone ever wants to happen, and for it to happen when they are still both so young is a real kick in the guts...

    Before I forget to, or my own wheels fall off, I want to acknowledge everyone who has come forward to offer help, to donate, to listen or to sit with us, or even just to have thought with compassion and sympathy of the situation.

    Its not quite the end, but its not far off, and my main hope is that she goes quietly and peacefully...and if theres a miracle still to happen, then theres room for one...

    Arohamai

    Lois, Amy, Sam, Rob

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  • Its not great...

      16 January 2025

    Regretfully, (and I wish that I didn't have to make this post...more than I can say), I have spoken with the medical team this afternoon, and the news is bad.

    They indicated that the already triple factor negative cancer (that is, the standard chemotherapy treatments would not work) is now also negative for immunology factors (which means that the immunology solution or chemo régime will not work either).

    Which doesn't leave us with a lot of options, unfortunately.

    The doctors have also said that the radiation therapy is not responding as well as might be hoped either. The prognosis is grim to say the least.

    Weeks, if not days.

    Lois's parents are flying in tonight, and her twin and family will arrive tomorrow. We have been honoured by the team out at Linton Camp agreeing to loan one of the transit houses to enable her family to be here to do what they need to.

    There is still some hope, and we are not quitting just yet. We WILL continue to fight, and I ask, plead, whatever that you continue to honour us with your support and love as we move into and through this terrible time.

    Arohanui

    Lois, Amy, Sam, Rob

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  • First milestone...

      15 January 2025

    Lois had her first radiation therapy yesterday (Tuesday) afternoon. Prior to going down she was having a really good day, and was actually able to take a very small amount of food etc by mouth...and hold it down. This is a huge milestone.

    She came back from radiation in some discomfort, which was to be expected, as the radiation is targeted to damage or destroy the DNA of the cancer cells, which will stop them from further growth.

    Because it is what it, there is likely to be some associated inflammation and pain in the treated area. Also, as it is not an 'instant' cure, the death of the cancer cells, and their transition out of the body is likely to create some discomfort as well.

    When we left, she was having her pain very effectively managed by the nursing staff, and appeared to be settling from the pain.

    I want to be absolutely clear here; this is going to be a long-term fix, and is going to take time to deal with the situation.

    I also want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, and from the rest of our family (Lois, Sam, Amy) all those who have donated so far in what is, I realise, a very tight time for us all. I am beyond humbled by the aroha and the support that people are displaying to us in our time of need. It has not, and will not go unnoticed.

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  • One step at a time...

      13 January 2025

    Slow but steady improvement noted over the weekend. Possibly due to steroids to knock down some of the swelling in the brain. Lois had her first radiation assessment this morning; will be having her first actual treatment tomorrow (Tuesday NZ time).

    In the meantime, she suffered a mild mishap, slipping and acquiring a hairline fracture to the either the left clavicle or the rib directly beneath it. No displacement, and not a lot of discomfort (thanks to the morphine she is being given to deal with the disease' pain and discomfort). I told her 'typical; she's always an overachiever' in this respect. Got a grin out of her at least.

    She is able to converse with the kids too, although sometimes she drifts a little and can lose the thread...but all in all, she is making some progress.

    That gives me a some hope if nothing else...as I've said to some of you, I'd take it on my own shoulders in a heartbeat if I could...but I can't. And thats so gutting...no-one likes to see a loved one suffering. And to reflect that she is dear to so many of you as well...

    Well, that just gives me a bit more determination that we ARE going to beat this bloody thing. It might be a forlorn hope, but I will be driving for positivity with all I have to give...and then that little bit more.

    Sorry. Got a bit carried away there.

    At least I can leave you guys with this; she is improving a little...and that is the first step on the 1000 mile journey.

    Arohanui

    Rob, Sam, and Amy

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  • Wow...

      11 January 2025

    Early days as yet, but so deeply humbled and grateful for the donations to this point.

    Lois was a bit better today, but the morphine she is on to reduce pain and discomfort from the migraines is still knocking her around a bit.

    Unfortunately we did not manage to get into the first dose of radiation; hopefully we can do this on Monday.

    In the meantime, I would like to shout out to Bronwyn and Ingrid who between them have been extremely generous in non-financial ways, and in being prepared to have the kids over to play etc...trying to give them a decent summer holiday, rather than sitting around in a hospital room all day every day.

    As always, we will keep fighting towards getting Lois through this situation.

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