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Help fund palliative care for Stephen (SJE) in Zimbabwe

  • Goodbye to Stephen.xox

      18 September 2017

    Our news is bittersweet. Today Monday 18th 2017 just after midnight, our beloved Stephen passed away. Bitter- because we did not want to lose him, not so soon, not in such a cruel way, and with so much left to do this side of life. Sweet, because we had him, for 68 years and he brought much to our lives, and because FINALLY, he has been released from his broken body! The last two weeks in Zimbabwe we saw a swift deterioration in his already severely affected health, it was unbearable to watch, made all the worse because we knew the physicality and the nature of the man he had been. To everyone who contributed to the fundraising efforts please know that because of you we could support his end of life care with 24 hour nurse care, medications and pain killers to ease his discomfort, access to resources such as a specialised mattress and cushion to ease his painfully thin frame, and finally a funeral plan, simple, as he wished, but everything taken care of. Thank you for all your kind support, it really has made a difference. Any questions or messages can be sent to Teamsje@gmail.com. Many thanks. We will update on here regarding a low key gathering in his memory, and future plans to place his ashes with his dad, mum, nephew and brother in the Zambezi Valley.

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  • Update 3 -Small mercies

      26 August 2017

    Hello folks, forgive the lack of updates, in a nutshell, I have been sick as a dog and as a result had to delay flying to ZImbabwe, and also obviously not kept up with news on here. SJE is deteriorating fairly rapidly now, while incredibly, still walking, he cannot speak at all now, which is beyond frustrating for him. His one working arm which he used to point and indicate his needs, is increasingly weak, and he can no longer point. Hospice visit this week said he is as to be expected, and actually 'lucky' he remains pain free and has not had seizures yet!.

    His one distraction is watching DVDs, and he has amassed a good collection, but almost obsessively seeks out more, so this week a plea on a Zimbabwe community page brought a windfall of DVDs donated and delivered by two incredibly kind people, and the offer of more from others for the future.

    It has been an incredibly tough time for Trish and the staff who work for her supporting SJE, True to form, stubborn and independent he is certainly not the ideal patient. They have dealt with some quite traumatic and difficult times especially this last week, and we cannot thank them enough for their love and care. Time is nigh though for his level of care to be stepped up and this will require funds. So we are still seeking help on that front.

    We remain grateful for the kindness of friends and strangers, and the small mercies to be found in this sad time. Arohanui - big love.

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  • Update 2. Humour, heartache and ecofriendly funerals

      5 August 2017

    Hello folks, the last two weeks have been more adjusting and finding the new way forward. There really is no road map for this. I would go so far as to say the 'pain' experienced is less about the physical and more about the emotional and mental, and it relates not just to SJE, and all he has to deal with, but all of us who love and care for him. Not one of us deals with it the same. There is the friend who seeks out miracle cures, constantly, from magic oils to high tech laser brain surgery in India ( will need to win lotto for that one!) Then the pragmatic ones - "what do you need, what does it cost, how can we make that happen?" as if by doing things we can keep the feelings at bay...and it does work, sort of. Then the humour! Where would we be without that? The mates who jolly along, with a few beers, faking that all is as it was. The black humour, exploding crematoriums (whiskey fueled of course), and fussy crocodiles turning their nose up at our 'eco friendly' burial ideas! You laugh a little hysterically, and then cry a bit on the quiet. Then there's the 'secret helpers' , no fan fare no glory just quietly gets on ... like posting 20 DVDS to ZIm, so SJE can watch and enjoy. Among it all its hard to remember he is still his own person, a private man who has now got all of us poking and prying, and busy in his life, albeit with love and good intention.

    He has had bronchitis, so back to the doctors, but its coming right thank fully. He has had a very strong reaction to the sleeping tablet he was prescribed, so much so that we thought perhaps he had rapidly deteriorated or had a stroke over night. So meds will need to be adjusted...like i say there is no map, just courage and perseverance We need all these things to get through, the miracles, the practical, the humour, the helpers...and still we need the financial support. ZImbabwe is not cheap, what we have raised to date on this page, essentially covers the cost of a funeral. Quotes we have been given range from between US$2100 - $2500, just to give an idea. The pragmatist in me worries, the optimist in me keeps me thinking, one day, at a time, we will cross the bridges as they come. THANK YOU all, for your support, words, money, actions, ideas and care xox

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  • Week 1 back in Zimbabwe, and SA wrap up.

      22 July 2017

    So its almost a week back in Zimbabwe after the whirlwind that was South Africa, urgent flights, bouncing from doctor to doctor, unclear diagnosis... stroke?. No. Tumours? No, maybe stroke maybe tumours? Fighting to be seen at the hospital. Janine like a small fierce terrier REFUSING to be budged or pushed around until someone would see SJE , do something, give us an answer. FINALLY scans, xrays and the outcome - where we sit now, tumours, plural, brain and lungs, outlook- not good! Fast forward... a week in Phalaborwa frantically packing up, selling what we can trying to raise money for care, pragmatic, no time to really process as needs must! How to pack up a life in a week?

    And then back to Zimbabwe, and the week has been one of recovery, settling in, visits from a few mates, doctor visits, and finding the new normal. Some of the medications are not agreeing with him, so its going to take a bit to see what works and what doesn't. But otherwise SJE remains remarkably resilient, our friend Jill who helped pack up in Phalaborwa said no other person could have managed what he did given how unwell he actually is. The many messages that have come from friends old and new, have been relayed daily back to Zimbabwe. Trish says they make his day. The donations which have come in are a life saver. We cannot thank you enough, and encourage you please to keep sharing and asking, every dollar counts.

    A few thanks before we close off today.... Lindsay Hunt - airfare to Cape Town, Mariette Wilson and Marc Harper donations not recorded on Give a Little, Denton Boshi and Marynell Claasen facilitating for us in Zimbabwe, small to you maybe - huge to us. Winnet Muchanyuka, advice on medical assisted travel, Lauren Edwards sorting warm clothes for CT and the monthly payment, Janine and Felix Coetzee - all your incredible help in Cape Town, Avril Edwards and Jill Earle for the huge task in Phalaborwa, Trevor Baynham and Tim Otto for your donation and visit, Chas and Avril Lotter for your kindness and invaluable help. Belinda Whiting for helping a girlfriend out in a pickle ;), and finally Trish Hougaard for welcoming SJE back to Zim, you are a treasure. There are many whose friendship, ideas, connections and encouragement have been a support along this journey. We have a way to go yet and we ask you please to walk with us, it's not something we can do alone. As we say in NZ Arohanui - BIG LOVE, thank you xox P and TEAM SJE

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