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Help Felix Get Top Surgery!

Closed Cause page created in the Health category by Felix Desmarais

$1,457 donated

Given by 31 generous donors in over a year


Hi! I'm Felix and I am FTM (female to male) transgender. Will you please help me get top surgery? ~ Page photo by Pip Clark ~

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  Wellington Dream Equality In Need

Hi! I'm Felix and I am right-handed, an atheist, a donor, a millennial, a graduate, a student, a playwright, a comedian and FTM (female to male) transgender. Getting top surgery (breast tissue removal, btw) would make me feel a lot better in my body. I plan on self-funding my top surgery because in New Zealand it is about a 20 year wait on the public funding list! I'm not so keen on waiting until I'm 48 to feel completely comfy in my body, but it will also take me a rrrreally long time to raise the $15k for top surgery from saving alone. So I'm asking for your help.

If you don't want to, don't. But if you can and you want to, your help is infinitely appreciated. The smallest donation makes a huge difference.

Felix Desmarais' involvement (page creator)

All my life I have seen myself as a boy. Once old enough to realise that I had a 'female' body, I felt like something wasn't right. I really wished that I could go back and just be born as a boy.

When puberty came along both society and my body told me I was a girl. I tried really hard to work with that, but it didn't come naturally to me.

When I was 19 I came out as a lesbian. I learned about gender variance and realised that I, like many gender non-variant people, don't feel that the gender between my ears lined up with the sex 'between my legs', but I thought I could be comfortable just knowing this but the world still seeing me as a girl.

Over the next 10 years the feeling that I may be transgender kept popping up more and more, with increasing intensity. I felt for a long time that I didn't know what my gender was and I wished I knew for sure, that it would be easier. My friend Ryan, who is also FTM, gave me great advice: "it will tell you when it is ready."

He was right. When I was ready, I knew. I am a guy. I just happened to have been born in a 'girls' body. It's no big deal really, I'm the same person I was before, and I always will be. But I decided that I wanted to start making steps to change my body so it more closely resembled the way I see myself. I want the world to see me as I see myself - as a guy.

There's a few steps in that process, the four most important being these:

1. My name being Felix.

2. People using he/him/his when referring to me/

3. Getting what I call my "cuppa T" - testosterone prescription

4. Top surgery for a flat, male chest.

I can do all the other stuff. But I need some help to get the last.

Use of funds

Funds will be used to pay for top surgery (bilateral mastectomy and male chest reconstruction) for Felix.

Latest update

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I'm off my tits!  15 November 2017

Posted by: Freya Desmarais

Hi everyone!

So sorry for the lack of updates over the year, I've been getting on doing a Graduate Diploma in Journalism Studies and it has kept me very busy!

Around mid-year I found out about this organisation called the Bowen Trust. They fund top surgeries for transgender guys like me in Wellington as the DHB doesn't. The top surgery is with one of New Zealand's best plastic surgeons, David Glasson, at Bowen Hospital.

Once I knew about the Trust I started the process to apply. I had pretty low expectations - but it soon became clear it was less a matter of if, but of when.

I learned that at the beginning of October with my first consultation with Dr Glasson which I paid for with funds from YOU. The first step through which you made this possible.

He told me it could be 2018 before my surgery. I was relieved that it would happen, but to be honest a little gutted that it would mean another year or so in a binder. They're not fun! Dr Glasson said the next step would be him applying to the Trust on my behalf, after which I'd be advised in about a month as to whether my application for funding had been accepted.

THEN only a week later I got a call from Dr Glassons rooms.

"Hello Felix, how are you? I'm about to make your day a whole lot better."

[Me, assuming this means my funding has been accepted]

"Oh wow, awesome!"

"Your application for funding with the Bowen Trust has been accepted, and we can set a date for your surgery."

"Oh! ... So... roughly when would that be?"

"I just need to check the calendar..."

She put me on hold. I held the phone to my air and looked at the ceiling in disbelief, my eyes prickling. It was actually going to happen! She comes back onto the call.

"We could do Wednesday next week"


At this stage I hadn't quite finished my studies for the year, so though that following Wednesday would have been wonderful, it wasn't so great. Plus, six days isn't a lot of time to mentally prepare for the first surgery you've ever had!

"...Or the 7th of November or... sometime in January, but that may be cutting it fine"

Something about financial years and cut offs. No pun intended.

So I went with the 7th of November.

And now here I am writing to you on the 15th, just one week and one day post op. I have a flat chest.

The Bowen Trust fully funded the $17,045 for my surgical costs, but none of that would have been possible without you. All of the associated costs to do with having surgery were covered, and without that I would not have been able to accept the Bowen Trust's wonderfully magical and life-changing offer.

Your money paid for:

- The initial consultation with Dr. Glasson

- Post operative accommodation with my mum (I live in a tiny studio apartment so needed another bed for her to sleep in the same room as me!)

- A top up on my mum's airfare to come and look after me - my parents live in Melbourne!

- SO MANY UBERS to the hospital... this added up! I don't have a car, just a scooter - so this was vital.

- Food while in accommodation

- The cost of prescription painkillers

- And many other little bits and pieces that made all the difference, like $12 pajamas from The Warehouse so I didn't cruise round the hospital in my undies and freak out the nurses.

So it's been a whirlwind and all happened rather suddenly!

I've had my drains out so I have a bit more freedom now. I'll be meeting my new nipples next Wednesday. I can't wait.

The feeling? Almost indescribable. When my voice started to change from testosterone, I said that it didn't feel that foreign, because how my voice sounds now is a lot closer to how I sort of imagined it sounded in my head all along. It's the same with my chest - it's very new but very old at the same time - it's exciting and thrilling at the very same time as feeling like this is how my chest has always been in my mind. It feels very natural.

I spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom this morning, trying on my favourite tshirts to see how they look on me now. I was giggling at myself in the mirror.

It's lovely.

I feel so much more comfortable.

I feel so much more me.

You have changed my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

x Felix

p.s. head to my instagram @felix_morris_desmarais for some pics!

Read 2 more updates  |  Share this update

Latest donations

  • Ruby

    Ruby on 26 Apr 2017



  • Guest Donor

    Guest Donor on 31 Mar 2017


    Good luck Felix!


  • Dave&Naomi

    Dave&Naomi on 09 Mar 2017




  • Rubbbayyy

    Rubbbayyy on 24 Feb 2017


    Soz I can literally only "give a little" coz I'm a povo teacher but good luck my friend can't wait to see your new pecs down at the gym m8! X


  • Tine

    Tine on 23 Feb 2017


    Good luck, Felix x


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Created by Felix Desmarais, paying to a verified bank account of Freya Desmarais

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This page was created on 24 Jan 2017 and closed on 20 Jul 2018.
$1,457 donated

Given by 31 generous donors in over a year

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