Life Goes On
9 February 2017
Below is an update from Charles...it's wonderful and written as he has thought it. Read. and Enjoy.
There are also two new photos added to the gallery. One is a crazy-haired face pulling Wil in hospital, not long before she passed. She maintained that sense of humour to the end.
The other is one close to my own heart. It was taken at my daughter Poppy's 1st birthday - taken by Sacha...the look of love on Wil's face as she poses for her eldest is heart-achingly serene.
Over to you Charles:
Ok - So where do I start? Yes, where do we start?
I guess although this may be a good question to ask, the real answer is that we never actually finished anything! Starting is not what we have done, we have simply continued.
Has it been hard without Wilhelmina? Of course, yes.
Do we miss her? Yes
Do we want her back? Yes
Is she coming back? No
“Papa I wish you could bring her back”, yes that has been a real statement from one of my daughters.
“Papa, it is better that mama died. They couldn’t cure her and she had pain”. That was another wonderful wise statement from one of my daughters.
There have been many words of wisdom come from the children along with great moments of comedy as they remembered little memories of singing out of tune in the car to Cher and “Walking in Memphis”.
Our house is not a house of sadness. Generally speaking, we live a life of “movement” ever evolving and moving forward.
Most of what I have been trying to do is to put plans in to action that Wil and I discussed. For instance; moved the girls in to one big room (my old bedroom) so that we freed up a room to be a study. Now we are cleaning that space and making it into a workable study space. This meant buying a bunk bed so that the four girls could occupy the one space.
Paying the house off. Well when you are one income down this is almost impossible. Thanks to your contributions on Givealittle - I paid $23,000 off the mortgage. This brought down the monthly interest from around $515 to around $460. I really need to rid myself of the mortgage completely because if I do not do this within the next year or so I could lose the house completely.
It is a small mortgage in comparison to others of $112,000 however losing your partner’s income doesn’t help.
Wilhelmina wanted to me to add another room to the house. Goodness knows when that would be!
She was very wise so I wish to make this happen. She wanted to flatten the back garden and make it workable for an organic veggie patch. She wanted a retaining wall to create such a garden…ever hopeful.
Wil and I discussed my further development both as a teacher and a masseur and so I am always researching ways to increase my capacity to both learn and earn. So, this is something I will continue to do and recently gained a certificate in Raynor massage and intend to do the diploma next year.
The children and I had a great Christmas and are continuing to have fun. We have watched movies, been for nerf throwing, tried handstands and played music and wrestled and had people around for dinner. We went to see Nona and Opa this month and life continues as you can imagine without ceasing.
Bills still come in as they do for all of you and lunches need making and clothes still need purchasing. I am lucky enough that my girls have been brought up to know what general responsibility is. They clean and make dinners and can bake and knit and do all kinds of wonderful creative things. As well this they are actually very nice people. (I am of course biased).
Wil’s funeral was funnily enough a highlight of last year. Some say there were 800 people who attended. There were great speakers and Christmas carols and people dressed in colour instead of black. The coffin was painted by the children and covered in shells and stones.
After the service, we held a party for her. There was a live jazz band made up of students and ex-students of mine as well as people whom I had played alongside in bands of the past. I sang with them. There was dancing and there was so much food, people were so generous we had to give a lot of it away.
There were of course plenty of tears but there was also laughter. Wilhelmina wanted us to have a party and so that is what her funeral was like. People came away feeling renewed and uplifted. In life, she had brought people together and she did also in death.
There are many people that I should mention who have helped through this whole process but I fear I might leave someone out. So maybe I should just say - you all know who you are.
Life is complex when it comes to emotions and so when you ask us how we feel, we may just give the answer “fine”. It’s as close as you may ever get to the truth. One person commented on my behaviour recently noting that I was quite “jovial”. They thought it was inappropriate - I answered truthfully, “I’m sorry - I’ve never lost a wife before, I don’t know how to act”.
And that my friends, is the truth of it. None of us here “know” how to be. We are simply feeling our way through life.
Thank you for your incredible support through what has been an unusual time.
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I can honestly say I had tears in my eyes after reading this. Having known you for nearly 30 years I can honestly say you are doing a fantastic job. Wil would not want you all to be crying non stop, being miserable and moping around the house day in day out. You were both so full of life and Wil would want you to continue to be so. Being jovial and appearing happy is no way disrespectful - it is showing that you know one day you will all be with Wil and this is a temporary separation. It is also being happy knowing that Wil is no longer suffering.
Keep doing what you are doing as your girls will be happier for it and Wil will be looking down on you all and smiling with you. God Bless you all, Pauline xx
