ADHD Diagnosis for my busy brain

Hi! I'm Paula, and I've been awakened to the realisation this year that undiagnosed ADHD is probably something I've been living with my entire life.

I'm stepping past imposter feelings, procrastination habits, and general thoughts that I'll always be a failure, and asking for help towards paying for an appointment with Simon Bainbridge, to seek a correct diagnoses at the age of 45. I am unable to afford this fee myself due to being made unemployed in Covid Lockdown in May 2020, with no government support at the time of writing this.

There is no gender bias with Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD). ADHD symptoms exist as often in girls as they do boys. Most women grow up assuming ADHD is a diagnosis for hyper boys, however ADHD in adults is real and exists in women.

ADHD symptoms can fall into three subtypes: predominantly hyperactive, predominantly inattentive, and combined type. Inattentive symptoms are largely misunderstood, being misdiagnosed, mistaken for mood disorders, anxiety, or another conditions. Inattentive ADHD is more common in girls and women than in boys and men, and is part of reason why women are misdiagnosed, instead adapting and masking their symptoms.

It is a lifetime issue. Having researched this year how ADHD effects women, I had mind blowing realisations about how my entire life has been effected, from employment, to relationships, to feeling rejected, shut down, not good enough, overwhelmed, sensitive, walking through sludge. I feel overwhelmed in shops/malls/work environments/parties. When asked to do things, I emotionally react at how I will cope given when I feel I'm already dealing with, which I'm already struggling to do as everything feels like it takes me forever. I am either completely unfocused, lost in my thoughts, staring into space (my entire childhood), or hyperfocused, such as writing 24k words in a day. I feel ashamed that I never held down one career, but when I get a job, I do it so well so quickly, I get bored, look for extra things to do, get told off for not sticking to my knitting, get frustrated, and leave. I'm either sitting on the sofa wondering how to focus, or a whirlwind of activity. I don't engage when in groups of people, but am the height of positivity and joy when one on one. I start the day with a mental list of things to do, but forget what they are, forget to write the list, or fail to acheive any of them due to feeling like a failure that shouldn't bother doing anything. I live in wonderment at how other's function normally. I try so hard not to affect others, that I fail to enjoy life. I go to do one thing, and end up doing 30 things, before I remember that one thing I have to do.

My mind races a million miles an hour. It's like I have 10 computer screens open, each with 100 tabs that I'm wanting to look at, but I am unable to decide where to start, so just stare at the screens, willing someone else to say 'do this one first' just so I can remove the impossible task of prioritising.

It's not being lazy, or hyper. It's not 'old age' affecting my memory, or depression. It's a chemical imbalance in my mind, and I just want to be properly diagnosed so I can get some medication to help that imbalance. I no longer want to be ashamed of not being able to 'adult' for my entire adult life.

Medication will even my brain. Reduce the imbalance. Allow me to have more control over where my energy and thoughts go. Be less overwhelmed, more functional. Like you. Less feeling stupid. More able to live like a normal, human being. Finally.

So please help me pay for this appointment, so I don't have to cancel and wait. I'd rather not put my life on hold any more. Thank you xx