Crips please help elishas story

I am doing 3days a week with hands on therapy still no movement in arm but fingers are moving sandy my therapyst is still not doing any physical touching of arm / hand yet as crips is so bad it can't b touched. My arm goes into a shock like state with different exercises I have to do stuff with right arm ie...

Squeeze a soft ball some times I can other times my left arm goes into shock like pains as though I'm doing it in that arm an I have to stop I'm also doing put left arm behind Mirror an right in front of it an try different movement my left twitches an some times the pain of watching the right the left is unbearable as if has mind of its own n thinks I'm useing it. It's the hardest thing iv ever had to try fight I will get their been advised I'll never fully recover an by another specialist I will but looking at 18 months I'm 4 months in n gone backwards so far but my 5 children need me back the solo mum /dad who once was left handed strong did everything could operate big machinery pik slabs wood up for woodsplitter. Play rugby with kids change tyres cook clean. Lift end of fridge if had to now to can't even pull pants up on left with that arm can't right learning to in right hand, can't open lids even hold a bread to butter now have a devise in kitchenthat helps can't drain something from stove or pull out baking dish. My boy ask me tie shoe an I couldnt. I also have a therapst who is visiting home 1a week try find new ways do things I can't hanging the washing out.my life went from out an about raising my children going hikes waterfalls parks but now over half my days consist of something to do with doctors etc for arm or so tired from the morfine constipated feeling ill not wanting cook as can't do a meal by self when I used be chef in sword fish club n a bar years ago cookings my passion 5plus day. Type cooking to easy heat noodles pizza my kids suffer I have put weight on due to this. I'll fight till day I die I for first time waxed the long black hairs that wer growing up arm to hand another crip symptom that hurt gosh did that as I can barly were clothing over it as the arm goes into panic hot/ cold/burning/shocks/tearing/all types pain then blotchy sweaty or ice cold blue. I have been trying get movement in the rest for first time I got the slightest move the eye could c.my therapyst is great without her I don't no were I'd be as I got really depressed have good n bad days she's told me for next 18 months I'm going go 2step forward 1back regulary which I have n that destroys me I have never been one to cry but when I sit across from sandy some days the tears flow with frustration embarrassment joy so hard but the big BUT I won't to have at least use of my best what used to be asset I loved being left handed my 7year old n me both are he now says ur right handed now a mumy only im left handed no I say I will be able use it again son an we will both be left handed. I'll. Update in few days my biggest thing at moment is I need another car mine is old no power steering really an having to miss taking kids places visit family who live 2hr away an finding driving to apointment impossible somedays due to its to hard an painfull do gears an stealing I had a auto which was great but head blew now in a old girl so thatl be first on list a decent car get to apointments an pik kids up my 7 year old who's adhd is going mad as I can no longer go park kick ball let him burn energy don't want drive or so had it from all day pain so many pills I take over 30a day my repeat scripts are 25 dollars. A go 94 just this week on doc an scripts as my adha boy to needs meds n weekly visits now costing 48 a time so our grocerys been 60/70 week lately nappies 30week it's so hard having injury trying keep roof n power going n kids questioning mum we need bread or nothing go with lunch they don't understand medical bills taking the money. Thinking positive thanks to their smiles n hugs an my determination to get through this we going to be okay it's just how it is. Thanks for reading this an ill up date again soon :)