Eight Years Deep - Living With Chronic Pain

Hi! My name is Molly. I work full time in hospitality management and do live music journalism as a hobby on the side. Two years ago I moved to Auckland to pursue creative opportunities but I grew up in Kerikeri, a small town in the Bay of Islands where I spent my childhood watching my dad catch fish and my mum raise vege patches that could rival the Garden of Eden. I have two older sisters, I love baking cakes and travelling when I can. But this year the 26th of March marks my 22nd birthday - and almost exactly 8 years of dealing with undiagnosed 'chronic pain'.

Living with pain is something I've only began talking about and accepting in the past year, mainly because the thing that drags back my day to day life is invisible. While I'm still searching for answers currently no one knows what this is - recently in a discussion with my GP we discovered that conditions that had been ruled out in my teens, (such as Crohn's disease, cancers, etc), weren't tested as extensively as they should have been so we're back to square one, waiting for procedures to gather biopsys in the coming months. I'm incredibly thankful and excited for this progress and for the amazing medical staff I'm with now for not giving up or brushing me aside as people have done in the past.

My pain comes in waves but it never leaves. On a good day, I'm just uncomfortable. Similar to when you've overeaten and feeling a little nauseous. On a bad day I suffer from cramps in my upper abdomen, occasionally so severe that I have trouble walking. In the past few years these symptoms have gotten worse to the point where I struggle to hold down food most days a week, my bad pain days come more often and lead to insomnia. Honestly my biggest obstacle is the exhaustion - I don't often have a chance to sit down during my day, I'm tensing my muscles without realizing and come home full of knots and desperately trying to unfold.

I can't stress enough how much I love keeping busy. I love working and the independence, I love to explore and learn and create art. I love finding ways to pay things forward like the amazing friends and family who have supported me through this so far. I'm asking for help because I'm running on the spot.

I'm very fortunate to live in New Zealand where health care is subsidized and often free, but I found out the hard way that medical costs extend further than each trip to the doctors office. My credit card bill is currently $1,547NZD. Every cent on this credit card is related to my health, from GP visits, to medication, to transport. Days I've been forced to leave work early and lost wages, costs of getting groceries or meals delivered to my door when I'm not strong enough to simply walk up the road. I know this doesn't seem like a lot of money but for someone flatting in Auckland city, fighting to keep my life productive and moving forward, it's a huge weight I carry with me that seems to regenerate with every hunk I pay off.

Absolutely anything towards helping me through this debt would mean the world, if you aren't able to donate a share to spread the word is equally as helpful. Furthermore, thank you for even taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

Molly O'Brien.