Week Four - Mindset
12 March 2019
Tena koutou katoa, hello again everyone. This week has been roller coaster of emotions - highs and lows. In the beginning of the week I was struggling with a lot of self doubt and lack of motivation due to pressure of upcoming competitions and not progressing enough to meet my personal expectations. Emotions like these can be hard for me to come out of, especially when my close circle of friends and family aren’t here in Finland. However, when flicking through Instagram one night, I came across a friends story promoting ‘The Self Love Club’ podcast, hosted by Bel Crawford, a radio presenter on NZ radio station ZM. I looked into it and promptly started listening as I cooked my dinner. Each episode I have listened to has been so inspiring and motivating. It was the exact wake up call I needed. The podcast often talks about how you can’t love others until you love yourself and this made me realise how truly unkind I am to myself when disappointed, making my anxiety stick out like a sore thumb.
The important date this week on March 8th, being International Women’s day was a turning point for me. I made an Instagram post declaring that I would start the journey towards loving myself and being kinder. International Women’s day is super significant to me, not only because I am a woman but because a huge part of my dream in skiing to inspire and be an example to young girls, change the world’s view of women, particularly in this sport. Encourage girls, to follow their dreams, try freestyle skiing, be strong, courageous and ultimately lift up the women around me, showing that we are capable of greatness... But how could I achieve such a dream when I fail to show myself that same support? Which brings me to my next point of motivation… March 9th, a notification came up on my phone of an Instagram post I made 2 years ago on the 20 year anniversary of the tragic death of legendary rapper Biggie Smalls. I posted a quote from him which states “We can’t change the world unless we change ourselves”. Reading that in that moment for me was like the ultimate confirmation that it’s time. I dream of changing the world through my platform of skiing, for women, social injustices, tangata whenua and so much more all whilst achieving my own greatness. But the quote is right, I can’t begin to achieve such things with a mindset of fear and doubt. Change is necessary.
Going into the weekend we drove 8 and a half hours south for a competition to a place called Sappee. A beautiful drive through snowy trees and new city’s, I listened to the podcast a lot and we had a compulsory donut stop of course. On Saturday I spent my day skiing at Sappee and checking out their course for the competition. The conditions were not the best when preparing for an event. The course was hard packed ice, and a cloudy overcast day caused the light to be flat, making visibility difficult. These conditions can be dangerous if you’re not careful, something that would normally put me off. But I was so hungry to get things done that I jumped straight in, listening to some aggressive (Rage Against the Machine, a mix of Rap and House) music, I had my head in the game. I trained hard on the course for almost 5 hours with the icy conditions and flat lighting truly testing my abilities and mindset. With dedication, perseverance and belief in myself I had 95% of my run ready on the course for Sunday by the end of the day. Massive effort and the most productive day I had skiing in almost two weeks. I was chuffed.
Side story - On the way back to the accommodation we noticed some ruins across the road, so we decided to have look. It turned out to be the beautiful remains of a church built in the 1500s. The breathtakingly stunning structure had no roof, but the surrounding walls and seating benches in the church still remain. A sign said that they tried to refurbish and extend the building at one point, but the development was stopped when they discovered that the original stone structure was too weak, so instead of tearing it down, they left the building be. Wonderful decision in my opinion.
Sunday morning I woke up motivated, had breakfast and listened to another Self Love Club episode as I got ready. I was feeling happy and confident in myself. Nerves were still evident, but rightfully so, as this would be my first competition for 2019 and first time competing outside New Zealand. I had messages of support from friends and family which added that extra sparkle for the day. During warm up I listened to some worship music and prayed for peace to calm my nerves, something I like to do before a competition and in a time of stress. As practice started I skied through the course confidently listening to up-beat music, same mix of tunes/genres as Saturday. I had a couple falls, but didn’t let that get me down. Before practice was over I had my run down 100%, such a great feeling! And I also made friends with a lovely Finnish girl, we got along so well, making mine and her day extra fun (everything's better with friends, especially women supporting women). When it came to the judged runs, we had 3 each. My first run was great I landed everything clean and felt amazing. Second run, I stuffed up, but nothing I hadn’t experienced before, it didn't phase me on my wave of happiness. My final run was definitely the best, I landed everything perfect and even added an extra trick at the end. I walked away from that feeling like I was physically glowing with glitter!! I put down the exact run I wanted, to the best of my ability, which filled my heart with such joy and pride for myself. To top it all off, I placed second and left with international comp experience, a new friend and a huge smile!
Moving forward, my weekend goes to show that we are truly capable of anything we put our minds to when you fully back yourself. All it takes is some self care, love, a leap of faith and confidence! I have now been in Finland a month, with one more month left to go. I plan to dedicate some time to myself each day, with purpose. Do something that makes me happy... Here’s to the journey of bettering my mental health, being kinder to myself and improving my performance to chase my dreams. I hope that this might inspire someone to do the same. Like Rage Against the Machine unapologetically says - “Yo we gotta take the power back”!
Thanks again for your continued love and support. I wouldn't be here without you!
Stay tuned.
Love from
Laura Molly Jane Wotton