Help Laura Molly Wotton go International

Welcome back to another post! I've been super busy here, so apologies for being late. This one is about my exciting trip to Italy!

Starting off with a late night flight from Kuusamo to Helsinki, I traveled with my two coaches and the accommodation choice for the night was these random sleep pods in Helsinki airport. What looked like a good idea online, I don't know if I would choose them for an overnight stay again. They are definitely set up for convenience over comfort. It felt very futuristic/space like and I made a complete fool of myself in the morning. Dressed in pyjamas as you do for sleeping, I woke up and headed out to the bathroom to get changed. The bathroom was not private to the sleep pods so it was just a normal public airport bathroom. And of course I forgot that airports are generally really busy so here's me 6:45am freshly awake dressed in baby blue, easter bunny covered flannel pyjamas from the warehouse with bright blue hair looking like a psycho person with at least 15+ people staring at me. Great amusement and great start to the trip.

Next up we flew from Helsinki to Munich, Germany and picked up our rental cars. Once in Germany we started our 5 ish hour drive down to Italy. Before crossing over into Austria we stopped off in a tiny German town and ate lunch at a classic little pub. The person serving us did not speak english so it was a perfect opportunity to practice some of my german language, I can tell I did well because my lunch came out correct and man was it delicious!! Beautiful traditional chicken schnitzel with spätzle and a side salad, the best! My tummy was extra happy that day. The rest of the drive held stunning views of the alps through Austria and Switzerland. I loved seeing the huge mountains and lush green grass, but most of all the buildings and old churches were so cute.

A long, one way at a time tunnel through a mountain took us from Switzerland into Italy. Livigno was a small town but bustling in the streets, from the looks of all the people, you could tell it must have been a great day skiing! Our hotel for the next two nights was lovely and the staff there were so kind, once we had taken our gear to our rooms we headed out for some dinner, on a hunt for pizza of course! We found what was a very busy and full restaurant in town and I ate a delicious calzone filled with ham, cheese, and mushroom - the first taste of Italy was good.

Our first day skiing was spent hitting the landing bag up in Mottolino snowpark. The sun was beaming down from the bright blue skies at a toasty 13’c, what a difference from grey and cold Finland!? Suddenly we needed to change our goggle lenses and wear sunscreen on our face! Spring was definitely in full swing and the views were stunning, nothing like i’d seen before. After skiing we went on a nice afternoon stroll in town finishing off with sitting inside an amazing little church right by our hotel. It was warm, quiet and peaceful inside, my spirit felt so calm sitting in there having a moment to be silent and reflect. A week on from the attack in Christchurch, this church was a perfect setting to just sit and be.

Day 2 on the mountain it was time to start hitting the course for the upcoming competitions. I would be competing in two back to back slopestyle comps on the weekend both my first ever FIS and Europa Cup competitions. A big step for me, these comps would be at the high end for my skill level, it will be challenging and I knew that, but it wasn't impossible, it was time. The set up had two rail features at the top, 3 jumps (a choice of two sizes) finishing with four rail features next to each other and you choose one to hit. My goal for the day was to go over all 3 jumps confidently. I chose to hit the ‘smaller’ of the two jumps (which really were not ‘small’ at all!), these are by far the biggest jumps I had ever hit. My mentality was in a good place, I felt confident, was having fun, it was scary at times, but by the end of the day I had not only gotten the speed on lock for all three jumps and was hitting them comfortably, but I spun over them too. Super successful day of progression. Another stunning day of weather, last run I skied down in my Tshirt. Me and some friends enjoyed a late lunch at a mountainside restaurant in the gorgeous sunshine, I ordered the classic and simple spaghetti bolognese, best i've ever had (sorry mum and dad, yours is still good I promise)!! That evening we moved into a house with the Finnish national team athletes on the other side of the valley in a small village called Trepalle. Later, we went out and registered for the comps, collected our bibs and listened to the riders briefing.

The next day was ‘Official training day’ for the comps, all athletes had to wear their bibs to ride the course. The first thing I noticed when I got to the top of the course was the change in energy compared to the day before… Yesterday was a fun and chill environment in the park, but today there was this overpowering energy of pressure and seriousness, I personally didn't like that because it changed my mood from what was happy and excited because I had such a productive day yesterday making me confident coming into today, to nervous and anxious. The weather also affected the course conditions which was not ideal because my day was then spent trying to learn the speed for the jumps again. This quickly became frustrating and painful, I kept knuckling and hitting the table tops of the jumps all day long. My body was so battered from coming up short that my physical state of pain, plus emotional state of frustration turned into a panic attack at the bottom of the course. I managed it the best I could, breathing deeply, trying not to focus on the pain in my shins and overwhelming pressure. But remembering that I am alive, skiing at an incredible resort and more than capable of achieving what was in front of me. I kept pushing and tackled the tasks I had left for the day head on. I had to start hitting the first jump switch, I did it twice with a crash in the mix from hitting the table top yet again. At this point I had to listen to my body and stop. I hated that though because I did not complete what I set out for the day and stopping without finishing what I aimed for makes me feel disappointed and unsatisfied. I spent time alone in the cafe talking with friends on the phone, an absolute teary mess I let my anxiety get the better of me that day. Nutella crepes before skiing back down to the house and remembering all the things I had achieved the past 48 hrs made things a little better. Once I got back to the team house, I got changed and walked up to an old church to spend some time reflecting (It was a sunday also). I sat alone in the church for about 45 minutes just listening to my own worship and praying. I’m really glad I took that time out for myself and well being. That night I cooked dinner for the team (about 10 of us in the house), this was a super awesome space for me to express some creativity and like i’ve said in my blogs before, showing kindness to others is a great pick up for yourself. I truly believe in that and this act of hospitality and kindness not only distracted me from my anxious thoughts, but set me back in a healthy headspace to go to sleep.

Competition number one, 25th March. I woke up feeling physically sick and anxious, I didn't sleep well and woke a lot earlier than I should’ve. I tried all sorts of things to feel better and get back to sleep, listening to music, drinking water, praying, laying on my shakti mat. Nothing was working, my negative thoughts were so loud. Thankfully me and the two other girls had two hours at home to just chill and get ready before we needed to be up the hill. We had breakfast (I couldn't eat properly from anxiety), I put on music in the house and had some fun dancing around. By the time we left the house I was feeling 80% better to when I woke up. The park chairlift was about a 10 minute walk up hill from our house, a good warm up before skiing. We had about 45 minutes of training time on course before our judged runs, I was focused and on game, getting about 4 practice laps in before we started. My head was in a good space because I decided to stop caring, sounds negative but I mean it in the way that I was so focused on what others would think of me, caught up on the outcomes of my runs, the weather and all sorts of things I had no control over… So as usual, when I let go and had fun, the experience was 10 times better. The weather did have an affect on the course that day, we had some strong wind that was difficult to deal with at times, affecting things like speed as you ski towards the jumps, but I didn't let it get to me. I landed both of my runs clean, keeping it simple, stylish and doing tricks I know I could land every time. I didn't enter these comps to make finals, win or get amazing results, these were pure experience and a chance to see the international comp level in person. To be honest, I had a fantastic first comp - placing 8th out of 12 women (not last to my surprise)! The run I put down, was not the run I set out for on this course but I had to let go of that ‘ideal run’ and expectation over myself because it became damaging to my mentality. Both of the Finnish girls made finals (top 6 out of 12 advance to finals) for that competition and one even landed 3rd on the podium, so I headed to prizegiving with the girls and coaches to support. Overall I left the day buzzing and so proud of myself. That night I cooked for the team again which made me super happy.

Competition number two, 26th March. Today I woke up feeling nervous again, but not to the extent of yesterday. Again we had 2 ish hours at home to chill and get ready which was so nice. Having that time takes off a lot of that initial comp pressure. I managed to get down some brekkie this morning, we listened to music again and I spent some time packing my things, as today we were heading back to Germany after the comp. Same as the first comp, we had 45 minutes of training on the course, I was feeling comfortable, confident and just ready to get it over with really. The wind was still hanging around the course, a bit stronger than yesterday with some clouds and low light in the mix too. I landed my first run safely, but I knuckled the 3rd jump and missed my grabs so was keen to clean things up in the second run. Now, a side note… all week everyone had been struggling with speed on the 3rd jumps, it’s a different kind of jump to the others and requires a lot of speed and pop to get over the knuckle. All week I couldn't get a 360 over the knuckle, but I had been wanting to do a 540 over that jump the whole time. So for my second run I was very determined to complete that goal. The wind was strong but my head was stronger, My spins were clean, I got the grabs and landed in the sweet spot for the first two jumps, going into 3rd I tucked hard and went completely straight with a big pop, I set the spin and not only did I get the 540 but I landed it deep in sweet spot!! I couldn't believe it, my mind turned to jelly and absolutely farted because I seriously couldn't believe I got the spin I had been wanting on that jump all week, in a compp run too!… and that’s when I messed up. Instead of going into the next feature switch because I landed switch, I reverted (turned around). I’ve never reverted in a comp, and this was the worst comp I could’ve done it in aahhh!! Like I said my brain farted and I was not thinking cause everything goes so quickly in a run… The next 10 minutes after my run I was so stoked, on cloud 9 that I landed my run clean with grabs, didn't knuckle any of the jumps and got the 540. (Keep in mind this is the BIGGEST course i’ve ever skied before, so to even be going over the jumps without spinning is so insane to where I was mentally and skill wise last year, let alone a month ago!?). Frustration struck me when the live scores came up, I knew that I would get points taken off for turning around but I did not expect what I got. They gave my 2nd run 0.00, so no points at all, even though it was miles better than my first run. I was shocked. But I had to remember that I wasn't here for good scores and placings, my mission was experience and that’s what I got, as well as a couple lessons to learn from. My result from this comp was unfortunately based off my first run, due to my own silly mistake, so I ended in 10th place out of 12 women.(Still not last though?! So that’s a plus)...

In conclusion, the first time competing in FIS with a NZ flag next to my name was a rollercoaster of emotions but incredibly enriching more than anything. I learnt so much from this little trip, I’ve taken away new skills, grown so much in myself, caught up with friends, new and old, so I want to shout out to a couple of people. To my coaches for the incredible support and guidance, you two are amazing and I’m so lucky to work with you. My friends on course and in the park for encouraging me and making the comp experience extra fun. The Finnish national team for being so welcoming, trusting me to cook for you and letting me be apart of your gang for a week. And most of all my Grandpa Holger for financially assisting me to make this whole opportunity possible, I love you and am truly thankful.

Thanks again to everyone who has gotten me here, and to you, yes - YOU! For reading this bunch of baloney and being interested in my journey, thank you. I feel so blessed to have gone to Italy, eaten amazing food, skied at a renowned resort, gained FIS competition experience but more importantly gained more life experience, learnt from mistakes and ultimately have grown more as a person, an athlete and grown stronger mentally (again) through this challenge. SO MUCH GROWTH AND PROGRESS. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I love it... Honestly I am humbled and will continue striving for more.

Thanks for reading - Stay tuned.

Love from,

Laura Molly Jane Wotton.