Help raise funds for Lapband surgery to end Cruel Taunts

My name is Tania

I am just a normal person doing ok in life, a single mum of two beautiful, happy successful teenagers. I m proud of many achievements I have achieved in life. In many aspects I am successful in achieving my goals. BUT For 17 years I have been battling my weight, and despite trying Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, powders, pills, starvation, and sugar free, I am now the heaviest I have ever been. Embarrassing so. 125.7 kilos at only 172 cm tall.

I always wondered at what weight I would be to start wanting to not leave the home. I have heard of overweight people getting to the point that they just become housebound. Being honest with myself I now know what that weight limit is. I struggle everyday to present myself with a big enough shield to hide my humiliation and shame at being this big. Monday to Friday my motivation is work. In the weekend my motivation is kids sports. But after that I bury myself in my bed for most of the day.

My doctor tells me I need to get out of bed, while putting my on anti anxiety meds. Every Monday I focus and say this is the month I am going to kick start a diet. I often dream of running endlessly attempting to keep fit, and in deed I am actually quite fit regularly walking 7-10 kilometers until recently.

The problem is exercise isn't my issue. Limiting my food is. Every mouth fill actually becomes unpleasant because you know you shouldn't be eating but unlike booze and smokes you have to eat.

I don't smoke or drink. Sometimes I wonder if that is half my issue. If I drank a wee bit I would eat less/

The biggest hurdle is to face your fears, open yourself up to ridicule, and admit you need help. I need to jump that hurdle because without the kindness of others I will never be able to afford my dream of lapband surgery. Although I have huge pride with what I have achieved in life, every cent I have goes towards my kids as it should. I worry that by the time I can be selfish enough to spend money on myself things will have gone too far. I want to achieve this goal while my kids can still benefit and be proud from it.

I need your help. I need to own up to my faults, and show me at my worst. But I admit I am still not ready to admit the extent of my downfall by actually showing my face. I need to tackle one small step at a time.......