I owe them more than money but its a start - The SPARTA project

I joined the British Military in 1986 as a Combat Medic, I then moved into the role as an Operating Theatre Technician, followed by time as a Human Intelligence Operator and finally took my Commission as a Medical Support Officer. During my 25 year career I completed numerous operational deployments including, Northern Ireland, Bosnia, Iraq, Afghanistan and Africa.

My problems did not start until I had left the military. I struggled to work out who I was and how to cope in society. I stopped competing in triathlons and withdrew from family and friends. The most upsetting thing was taking the anger out on my wife Fay. I didn’t understand what was going on with me and it seemed everything I was doing was hurting people around me, especially Fay and my two young boys. I try to be a decent person. The last thing I want to do is upset someone I love but the “invisible wounds” of PTSD affect not only the soldier or veteran, but also those around them.

I was trained to fight and be a strong man, so when I come home suffering I wouldn’t talk about it or ask for help. Fortunately one of my closest ex –military friends understood what I was going through and assisted me to enroll in the SPARTA Project. I was very humbled to be given an opportunity from this charity to attend a course with people who have been through the same situations and suffered similar emotions.

P.T.S.D. is a psychiatric term used by mental healthcare professionals. The term is highly stigmatising. SPARTA taught me to look past the term and unleash the power within to overcome the traumatic experiences of war. The choice is simple, take control of the P.T.S.D. and courageously look for answers to resolve it or accept the experiences of war. Don’t spend years in suffering detached from love, joy, happiness and hope. Never give up. It may be hard at first, but as long as you want to live and move forward, it will get easier. It just takes time. It’s not a day thing…it’s a lifetime thing.

I have been inspired to continue on this journey by my wonderful supportive wife, who’s support and care I will never be able to repay and my mentors and fellow Warriors from SPARTA, their passion, sense of duty and unselfishness have allowed me to start to love life again. My mission now is to say this is who I am, this is what I have been through, I can own it. There is a way out, fight your demons and take it, you do not have to go through the pain and torment that I have endured. When you are fighting a battle where the wounds are invisible, true courage is letting others see them. If I can save just one life, prevent one person from committing suicide, then it is all worth while.

I will be competing in Ironman New Zealand on the 3rd March to help raise awareness of Veterans' struggles.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, any contribution you are able to make will be going towards helping relieve the pain and suffering of a fellow human being.