Time to say goodbye 12HH

Why I’m SO overdue to have breast reduction surgery, and why I’m asking for your help:

When I was 14 years old I was a 12DD. Back then that was fine. I felt my body was in great shape, I didn't really think about it. As I grew older, so did my body. If I gained weight my boobs grew, only difference is, if I lost weight, they stayed the same. For the next 20 years they kept growing...

Over the past 10-15 years, they have been a gigantic pain. Physically and emotionally. I have constant lower back and shoulder pain. I'm always either at the physio or chiropractor but more recently as I can't afford these, the cheap Chinese massage places are brilliant, just for a moment of relief.

Since puberty, people have always talked about my boobs. They always have, and I assume, they always will. Most of the time I will laugh and joke along with them too. Yeah, it's funny when the cup of your bra can cover an adults head! True story!

But... I'm kinda over it. Why do people state the obvious? Why tell me my boobs are huge when they’ve been attached to me the whole time? What am I supposed to say - "shit, when did that happen?!” - My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts....my head hurts, my heart hurts. My patience, pride and confidence are really starting to fade. (I type as I start getting teary). And for those of you that know me well, that's not who I am.

I am usually between a dress size 14 and 16. 1 - because I love food and 2 - because I have to up a size to get my girls in! I struggle to exercise in general but it's been proven repeatedly that getting my body slimmer, doesn't mean my huge boobs get smaller. That, and unless you have huge boobs you'll know, sudden movements just aren't fun or pain free. For my musical theatre shows I do, I 'strap in' with 2-3 bras along with buying a new one so it fits perfectly (let's be honest, you can't just got to Kmart with these puppies, it's off to get fitted every time and it's never less than $100 a pop). Remembering these babies get slightly bigger and smaller on a monthly basis.

Some days I'm super confident in my own skin. I have dreams of being a plus size model or even just a 'realistic', everyday, we're all different, sized model. Seriously. I think I could rock that! Other days, I just want to be pain free and feel 'lighter' and to be able to just by a bra in a normal shop!

I've been contemplating a breast reduction for the past 10-15 years. But as a travelling gypsy that likes experiences, a Marie Kondo wardrobe and the occasional takeaway, I simply cannot afford it. And before you ask, no, I don't have medical insurance and I'm not covered by anything else.

I’ve held off for the majority of this time because I 'wanted to wait till after I had kids'. Well, after a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure (early menopause), a relationship breakdown and deciding to move countries, that reason is now null and void.

So here I am, starting a go fund me/give a little page for a breast reduction to celebrate and begin my 40th year of life....

Depending on how much I can raise and save myself, depends on where I have the surgery. $18,000 in NZ with a reputable, local surgeon. $11,000 in Thailand with a reputable surgeon, flights  and accommodation.