My beautiful Ivy stillborn

On 17 April my beautiful darling Ivy passed away at 37 weeks gestation due to a placental abruption. Something I had never heard of. I never had any risk factors and had a normal uneventful pregnancy without any concerns.

It happened suddenly without warning and I lost more than half the blood in my body, lost consciousness and came scarily close to the brink of life and death. I needed several blood transfusions and emergency surgery. My 16 year old found me in hypovolemic shock passed out.

I am struggling with PTSD, flashbacks and engulfing grief while trying to be present and support my other beautiful children who have lost their father.

I am fortunate to be here, although surviving this without my precious girl by my side felt very far from lucky.

Life is precariously unpredictable and I could never have imagined enduring a pain as cruel and heartbreaking as losing your own child.

Along the way I have been so grateful to all the beautiful kind and generous people who have wrapped me in love and support.

Its a long journey of physical and emotional recovery ahead.

Its hard to know how to navigate a future without my little love and this grief and hurt in such already hard times.