I'm broken.
27 April 2016I lost my baby.
I'm sorry I haven't been able to pull myself together to update everyone sòoner.
The thought of typing this is still incredibly painful.
Yesterday morning while awaiting an ultrasound with the specialist team at the Animal hospital, Bob stopped breathing. They performed CPR and called me and as I was on my way to come see him, his heart stopped again and they managed to revive him a second time. The vet told me he suspected he had heart disease and that if his heart stopped again it would be unlikely they could revive him - as it was he had somebody breathing for him with a pump and a tube. They took me in to see him and he went into cardiac arrest again. They managed to get his heart started for a 3rd time while I was there but it was very faint and he still couldn't breathe on his own. The vet made it clear that it was now almost impossible he could come back and that if he did, whatever caused this would likely be too serious to treat.
Letting him go is the hardest thing I have ever done and even though they told me he would have been hiding it from me, I'll never forgive myself for not knowing something was wrong sooner. I thought taking him to the vets every 3 months for a checkup was enough to catch anything early but they didn't catch this.
This is the most I've talked about it since yesterday morning. I can't really see a way forward or a life without him.
Thank you to everyone who offered support, emotional or financial. Bob's vet bills ended up being $2321 which is more than a month's salary for me but the loss I have suffered by losing my baby cannot be measured. He has been with me since I was 9 years old. The only one I could always depend on and the only one who was always there when the world was too much. I can't express how special he was. He had my whole heart, always and I hope he knew that.