Please help me survive losing Bob

Update:

I'm sorry I haven't been able to pull myself together to update everyone sòoner.

The thought of typing this is still incredibly painful.

Yesterday morning while awaiting an ultrasound with the specialist team at the Animal hospital, Bob stopped breathing. They performed CPR and called me and as I was on my way to come see him, his heart stopped again and they managed to revive him a second time. The vet told me he suspected he had heart disease and that if his heart stopped again it would be unlikely they could revive him - as it was he had somebody breathing for him with a pump and a tube. They took me in to see him and he went into cardiac arrest again. They managed to get his heart started for a 3rd time while I was there but it was very faint and he still couldn't breathe on his own. The vet made it clear that it was now almost impossible he could come back and that if he did, whatever caused this would likely be too serious to treat.

Letting him go is the hardest thing I have ever done and even though they told me he would have been hiding it from me, I'll never forgive myself for not knowing something was wrong sooner. I thought taking him to the vets every 3 months for a checkup was enough to catch anything early but they didn't catch this.

This is the most I've talked about it since yesterday morning. I can't really see a way forward or a life without him.

Thank you to everyone who offered support, emotional or financial. Bob's vet bills ended up being $2321 which is more than a month's salary for me but the loss I have suffered by losing my baby cannot be measured. He has been with me since I was 9 years old. The only one I could always depend on and the only one who was always there when the world was too much. I can't express how special he was. He had my whole heart, always and I hope he knew that.

Hi guys.

I'm kind of struggling to hold myself together right now so excuse the brevity in my plea for help but my beautiful amazing baby boy Bob is currently at the emergency animal hospital after refusing to eat for several days, losing a huge amount of weight and suddenly taking a turn for the worse tonight. They believe it is something very serious and he has a mass on his stomach that is currently being Xrayed and he is having bloodworks done... none of which could even have waited till morning. I honestly can't imagine life without him and I don't know how to cope if I am faced with losing him. Money is the least of my worries right now but even the consult and bloodwork etc tonight is expected to be $1500 plus anything else he needs after. I have put down the necessary deposit of $750 and will do whatever is necessary to get the money if I can save him. If anybody out there thinks they could help, it honestly would mean the world. I have also set up a direct Paypal link - Http://paypal.me/HeidiFerguson. I expect nothing from anyone but Bob deserves the best care and I'm worried about how I'm going to stay afloat.

He is my baby and my whole world and has been for over 12 years. I will never give up on him.