Spare $5 and Help save my life - weight loss surgery

I’ll start with an introduction for those that don’t know me. I am Antonia, 33 years old, full time paediatric oncology nurse, solo mother to a 10 year old boy (Lincoln). And I am over weight, when I say over weight I don’t mean a few extra kilos. I mean morbidly obese, shit that is scary to say. If you put morbid infront of anything it makes it seem a little more scary. And I guess that’s true. Being overweight or obese is scary. Its also lonely. Sad. Embarrassing. Hurting. Harmful. Painful. That’s a few words to describe it, and the feelings that come with it.

Ive never been “small” throughout my school years I was always bullied and that go to bully phrase was always “fat”, “you’re fat”, “ewww you’re so fat”. Growing up I remember clearly being about 10 years old and we had to weight and measure our height and then put it on a graph. I was 10, putting my weight up meant nothing to me then, but seeing your name way way way above anyone else on the classroom chart, well that was the first sinking feeling I ever had.

But it wasn’t just the kids at school that were awful. My sisters whom I love dearly and I think they love me too, would also name call, it was their go to as well. I remember coming out of my room when my sister had a friend over and they laughed because they couldn’t tell which were my boobs and which were the fat rolls under them, just another sinking feeling. A top I felt comfortable in, but never wore again.

My dad, has called me fat. I don’t know if hes ever meant harm from it, but like everyone, it’s the easiest insult to throw at someone who carries a wee bit of extra weight.

Ive had one serious boyfriend in my life, just the one. 5 years together we spent. While it looked happy on the outside and I faked a lot of happiness over that time, it wasn’t happy. I don’t know why he was with me. The things he called me the way he treated me. It’s always made me push people away from me, especially men. Heffalump, fat, gigantic. Hearing these things on a daily, you would think surely would help you to loose weight. Wrong.

Don’t get me wrong I have tried and tried and tried to drop kilos. You name it I have tried it.

I am not inactive, I may be a little unfit but as I found out the other day, I can still do a 40 minute workout and not die. In fact, working out was something I LOVED to do.

It might be valuable to point out that I also live with a rare genetic disorder, Ehler Danlos Syndrome Hypermobility type – I won’t go into details, if you’re interested look it up 😉 But I will tell you that having it is painful.

Carrying extra weight is painful, not just emotionally, but physically and mentally too.

I have had days where I have thought that not being on this earth would be better than living in my body. I have days where I have gone out and acted happy and smiley all day to come home and put on my pyjamas, exhausted from faking it.

This doesn’t just affect me, but it affects my son too. Kids are mean to him about me. Youre mum is fat. I have become a “your mumma joke”

Currently I am waiting to hear from the DHB to see if I will qualify for funded weight loss surgery. But because I don’t have diabetes……. Yet, I don’t have heart disease……. Yet, then who knows if I will be approved. The other options are, a huge loan of $25,000 to have surgery in new Zealand, another huge loan of $16,000 to travel to Thailand for surgery, loosing all my kiwisaver to fund it, money that would be a nest egg or a home for myself and my son, or ultimately nothing and living a very unhappy life.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been trying to loose weight. Just now the pressure cookers has finished and signaled its 3 beeps to let me know to let the pressure off, in there is a low carb no fat vegetable soup that will become my lunch for the next few days of work. I have a work out scheduled with a work colleague this afternoon, another 40 or so minutes.

Well that’s enough from me, like I said the cooker has beeped its telling me its time to go.

Please, if you ever need an ear know that I am here for you.

Until next time

Antonia xx

This is brutally honest. I weight 142kg. I am morbidly obese. And I need weight loss surgery.

Without it I fear for my wellbeing and my life.

I have tried multiple diets, you name it I have tried it! I am depressed, tired, sore and at times have thought this world would be better without me.

I have applied for funding through the DHB but have been told I have no luck of being accepted.

As a single income a loan to cover surgery is just not feasible!

If I manage to raise enough for surgery all extra money not needed will be donated to the Child Cancer Foundation