Janna is well now. She survived the 6-month treatment chemotherapy! Hurray! We couldn't have done this without you guys! We thank you for all your support and well-wishes. May God bless you all! Signing out..
I AM DEPRESSED. In the last 3 nights I spent my time in the hospital I started to realize that I am experiencing depression. It was particularly tough during my first night, I couldn’t help myself but shed tears simply because the room felt empty. I am here all alone, no one to comfort me whenever I am feeling desperately lonely.
By having the space all by myself made me realize a lot of things. I instantly felt more connected to myself and discovered more of my inner thoughts during this difficult time. Thoughts that would probably have not crossed my mind whenever I am at home. I came to a realization that I probably need to share these struggles I’ve been keeping for myself. I worry as to how it will affect me for keeping it all in and feeling isolated.
I am afraid to share my story and be rejected by the people I relay to. I am afraid that by telling them how I feel will leave them heartbroken. I was afraid that these will hurt them as much as it is crushing me. At some point I was very convinced that there is no way they will bare what I am about to share— It is true that it made them heartbroken. My story made them cry but I was wrong with the rest of it.
I realize that these people are willing to take it all in, that they are willing to share the burden and lighten the weight that I am carrying on my shoulders. I was surprised how a person’s love can endure so much pain for someone they truly care. It is incredible to witness the love they put into you and how warm that feeling is.
My mental health is unstable. I think I am still depressed but what changed with my perception is that I am no longer alone. I have this support system, always watching my back and willing to go extra mile to help me overcome this hurdle. It felt good to say I am depressed and be heard. What an emotional and special moment to be at my weakest point and not be judged by being so open.
I AM NOT ALONE. I have a battalion of people cheering for me. Thank you to every single on of you. To your generous donations and most especially your prayers. You are all with me towards my healing. ♡
What an extremely hard day to find a reason to be positive. The last few days has been a compilation of minor issues that build up this frustration I am experiencing. There were days I feel nauseated to my core, unable to reach the loo, or even too weak to walk my way down the stairs and straight to the toilet to vomit.
I have extreme headaches that cannot be relieve with the strongest pain relief I have on hand. Even the comfort of my husband which always works like a magic seemed not enough to take everything away. I have pins and needles at the tip of my hands, oftentimes feeling cold as if I am experiencing winter once again (it’s springtime here by the way).
My knees, almost like a Jello, even walking seemed to be too much at times. My mind has the strong will to step outside the house to get some fresh air, unfortunately I feel like my legs needs to be dragged all the time. Just when you’re slowly gaining a little bit of energy another problem starts to show up.
Hemorrhoids is something new to me, I bear down once like I would normally do but I never had to suffer going to the toilet until now. The impact of every problem seemed doubled all the time. I have been looking forward on weekends and spend some time with my husband. Once again, I am a prisoner in our bedroom lying sideways because that is the most comfortable position I can possibly be. Then another one came up to add to my growing list.
A simple scratch on my skin has betrayed me and turned into a nasty looking skin allergy, weeping uncontrollably. Occasionally I feel an extreme urge to wash it under cold running water if not rubbing it against something to relieve the itch. All my efforts to keep myself away from getting complication that would prompt me to the hospital. Now I am in ward 5 North for the first time, trying to figure out what the hell in going on with the rest of my body.
My emotions are unstable. I feel like I am at fault for not doing the best for my health that resulted to every single bad thing that has happened in the last few weeks. I feel like I am being punished for not being good enough as a person. To this day, I still question why me? What did I ever do to suffer like this?
Finally, my last question for today— when is this all going end?
Janna is on her 3rd session of chemotherapy. It made Janna experience the side effects of chemo and made her lose some of her hair. In this picture, Miko shaved Janna's head and he also shaved his head in support for Janna! ❤
Thank you everyone for your donations! Janna & Miko are so grateful for your support. It really means a lot to them! ❤
