Support grieving Dads like Ben get the care and support they deserve

Being a dad is not something you can learn from a book, although you can try. Nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming love, wonder, and lack of sleep that you will experience. When my boy Elijah was born, Lucy and I knew our family was complete. We were excited to watch him grow and to learn about the world around him. From his first laugh, to his first word, to his first step, to riding without his training wheels… we knew this journey would be an exciting one with all the ups and downs of parenthood.

When Lucy was diagnosed with terminal cancer it came out of the blue and you think that it cannot be possibly be happening to you. We were scared to get Hospice West Auckland involved at first, feeling like we were giving up. I soon realised that I could not have managed without their support. They became an extension of our family who we could reach out to whenever we needed a comforting voice at the end of the phone, someone who understood what we were going through.

When Lucy died, I thought, how am I going to be able to continue to be the dad that Elijah needs me to be whilst dealing with my own grief? I was trying to grieve but also knew I had to hold it together for Elijah. That is when we found Libby and Music Therapy.

I am not the musical sort, but I thought that it would help Elijah to express his grief and his emotions and that we could share in that. In these sessions with Libby, we have laughed, and we have cried, and it has always felt like a safe space in that moment just to be. To not feel the pressure to perform, to be a dad, to be happy, to be sad but just to sit in that space of making music. It is great to know that I am not alone in my grief.

We cannot change what life deals us, but to have the support around you makes all the difference. Hospice West Auckland deserves to be supported so that they can continue to help another dad like me. I cannot thank them enough for being there for Lucy, myself, and Elijah.