I cut my hair for charity: part 3

I’m cutting my hair again. People keep quietly pulling me aside and telling me the wig isn’t convincing so it’s time for it to go.

This time around your hard earned money is going to KidsCan, who provide essential food, clothing, and health products to kids all around Aotearoa. We’re all having a moan about economic hardship, but for some families this means more than members of the country club seeing you at Woolworths instead of New World. It’s real tough out there, and your donation will mean that kids don’t have to go without as we come into winter.

Donate what you can, but remember that you’ve accumulated another half decade of guilt about:

All the things you’ve said about me behind my back

Driving an environmentally devastating petrol car

Breaking your New Years resolution January 3rd

Being asked about current events and not having the right answer

Wearing your mask with your nose uncovered during covid

Driving home after the pub on the night of 3rd October 2023, and hitting something that you thought was a possum but then finding a scrap of human clothing stuck to your bonnet the next day and never calling the police even when there was news about a missing hitchhiker the next day

Forgetting to thank your waiter

There’s only 2 ways to alleviate your guilty conscience; a) years of costly and directed therapy, or b) an easy tax-deductible donation.

I know what I’d do.

So please, take this wonderful opportunity to do all the hard work while I get all the credit.